Gingerbread
by Nicks-and-Tics
Summary: Is being rewritten. Harry, a gothy teen, working part time at a body art shop endures the mundane insanity of summer life with the Dursleys. Until something happens...dun dun da! Update: Less whining now, but still angsty. Now with a wee bit of drug actio
1. sleepless

_Revised, re-written, better and readable now._

Harry Potter sat at a table outside a pizza place in an older part of town. He was alone, as most people avoided him if they could help it.The way he'd looked at each person in turn as they passedset others staring in the opposite direction, quick to avert they're eyes. Harry studied his appearance in the pizza shop's window,he wasn't anything spectial to look at though he did seem to stickout in a crowd due to his off outfits.His hair was same as always, unruly, jet black and everywhere at once. His green eyes were dull and bored, he wore a black t-shirt with a picture of a raven standing on the dead body of some guy laying in the middle of a highway with the words 'ROAD KILL' printed on it. He also wore a pare of blackjeans andon his feet were a pare of half calfdocs.

Harry turned from his reflection and back to the busy street beyond the refuge of his littletable, slowly getting back into his dull activity of despising everyone who passed. Two girls sat down at his table.

"Hi!" one of them said grinning at him, Harry just stared.

"Hope you don't mind us joining you."the other chimed grinning stupidly at him.It wasn't a question as the two had already started into there vegetarian pizza's, chattingand shooting random questions at Harry, who ignored half of them or just gave a weird answer.

"So where do you live?" the blond one giggled. "_Flirt..._" Harry thought but answered best he could,

"In fairy land." he sounded serious. The girls exchanged raised eye brows of amusement.

"Oh? Is it nice there?" more giggles.

"Hmm, the bees here in reality just don't skip like they do back home." he said wistfully, still sounding completely serious.

"I see." they're grins faded slightly as they watched Harry stare off into space.

"What did you say your name was?"

"Can't remember." the girls soon became freaked out or tired of his weirdness and left, hurrying off up the street. He could here them as they went.

"He's gorgeous, but I think he forgot his meds today."

"Yeah, or he's hadto many." Harry could hear nervouse giggling but were soon out of earshot.

Did I mention that as much as most people liked to avoid Harry, Harry liked to avoid people?

Someone from inside the shop had obviously seen what had just happened out here at Harry's table since the store manager came out and told Harry that unless he was going to buy something to go away, he was scaring off the customers. Harry, with a roll of his eyes, stood taking his long black coat from the seat beside him, it being to hot to ware it slung it off his arm and headed away to bother more people with his mere presence.

He stopped at abus stop, slouched down on a bench and waited. His watch read six p.m, the bus will pass in fifteen minutes. Five minutes later a woman with a baby held in her arms, waited at the bus stop to. She eyed Harry pulling her baby closer to her chest, maternal instinct kicking in. Harry turned from her in disgust, feeling even more annoyed now.

Prosecuted and hated.

The two ways people treated him. Like he was a freak strait from hell. Out to steal their children, and scare away they're customers. He didn't blame them. He stood as he saw the bus coming up the street to his left. It pulled up noisily and the doors swung open, a few people at the other end exited as Harry stepped up the stairs dropping some change into the box next to the driver and left for the back of the bus. The only people on it were Harry, the woman and her baby and an old man a few seats in front of Harry's.

A couple of stops later the baby started crying loudly, this didn't improve Harry's irate mood. The mother suddenly looked up at Harry who glared coldly back. She went pale and looked away, busying herself in quieting the baby down. The woman got off at the next stop, Harry watched her stand at the bus stop. Harry mused as to why she was just standing there before he realized that she would rather wait for the bus to do its rounds again rather be on it with Harry. He thought momentarily about getting off and waiting with her just for kicks, but instead he sat further down in his seat, his head rested on the window. He looked at the displays in the store windows that the bus past thinking about what he was going to do tonight. Maybe he'll ditch the Dursley's and go to sleep in a park.

Harry got off at the end of Wisteria walk and made his way to Privit drive. He found the house empty when he got home. He went into the kitchen to get a drink of water and found a note pinned to the fridge.

_Harry,  
went out to dinner.  
make your self a sandwich.  
Uncle Vernon_

Not feeling hungry, Harry went to seek refuge from the world in his room. He closed his bedroom door behind him and dropped down onto his bed and didn't move for ten minutes. He soon mustered up enough energy to sit up. He took his boots off and kicked them aside, he pushed his jacket to the floor, not caring about the mess he made, a couple more additions to it wouldn't make a difference considering most of the floor wasn't visible beneath his dirty clothing, various school things, and CD cases and other various items.

His hair fell away from his ears so you could now see that they werepiercing lined. He had eight on each ear, two on this eyebrow and one through his lip. He did them all himself. He had gotten a piercing licence last year and did it part time at a body art shop downtown. He could do tattoos to, and gave him self one at the base of his wrist, a simple black Celtic knot.

Harry dragged himself over to his desk and opened his history of magic texts but stared blankly at the page not reallyin the right mindto do homework, instead he closed the book and pulled out a blank piece of paper and a mechanical pencil and started to sketch more designs that he could put up in the window display of the body art shop for the tattoos. Soon a butterfly took berth from Harry's pencil as he worked. He heard car doors slam out side, announcing the return of his relatives. It was well into the night when he finally set down his pencil and climbed into bed for another sleepless night.

_Ok the revision begins...I was starting to hate this story hence the lack of updating so im re-writing it. Chapter 1 seems a bit more pleasing now._

Nikki


	2. I need a life

5 am brought with it the sun, as Harry sat dressed on his desk looking out from his window. He hadn't slept last night, its like sleep had decided to ditch him completely. No matter what he did he would end up the same way. Awake.

He climbed down from his desk, carful not to make a sound, he crept from his room, down the stairs and into the kitchen. He quickly made himself some toast that he stuffed into his mouth as he left the house. It was still mostly dark. The sky was painted pale pink to the east and stars were still visible to the west. Beautiful. _"One of the few beautiful things left." _Harry thought to himself not really sure as to what he meant by it. He shook his head, wondering dully if he was going crazy. He lit a cigarette as he made his way to the bus stop he was at the previous afternoon. And waited for the bus to do its first rounds. He sat down on the bench, mind blissfully blank in the cool morning. Voices caught his attention up the street a ways. He turned and saw a group of four boys around Harry's age by the looks of it, coming up the sidewalk. Harry turned back to the nothing his was staring at before. Soon the boys drew nearly level with Harry who could tell they were high. One staggered up to Harry and the others followed.

"Hey, wanna hit?" the boy said holding a couple of pills out to Harry who just raised his eye brow.

"How much?" Harry wasn't a stranger to the drug scene but he wasn't a hardcore addict or anything.

"Ten. Apiece."

A rip off, but oh well. Harry dished the cash from his pocket and handed it over taking the pills from his pocket. "Thanks." Harry recognized them for downers. Good. They'd help him sleep tonight. He then ignored the boy and stood, stomping out his cigaret as the bus came around the corner. Again Harry went to the back of the empty bus, taking a seat against the window. He watched as the boys started laughing for no apparent reason.

"Idiots." Harry muttered as the bus pulled away form the curb. He got off at the place where he'd seen the woman and her baby yesterday and headed back to the pizza place where he would order a breakfast of undercooked, extremely greasy pizza and a coke, then he would wait a while for the Underground, the body art shop he works at, to open, emitting himself to four hours of poking holes threw people.

"_Are people normally this negative?"_ he thought as he watch the bus dive away up the street. _"I doubt it."_

The pizza place was just opening as he got there. So he walked in, ordered but was told that he would have to wait a while for them to cook up a few pizzas before the breakfast crowd came, so Harry sat down at the same table he had occupied the day before and waited.

"_A pizza place has a breakfast crowd? What ever happened to McDonald's and their prized rat burgers?" _Soon Harry decided to just stop thinking all together, as all it was, was irrelevant. That's what you get for not sleeping.

Twenty dull minutes later his pizza was sent out to him. He took it and ate it trying to ignore the fact that it tasted like bread with nasty cheese on it. It was almost void of sauce and some how managed to have grease dripping in tiny pools around his paper plate. Finishing, he found that he was curious as to what kind of dorks came here for breakfast. So, just as promised, people were driving up and parking all up and down the street or walking, but all soon created a long line at the cash-register reaching all the way to the door.

Harry examined each in turn through the glass, before silently concluding that he needed a life. Harry saw the store manager staring at him through the window. To show that he'd bought something Harry sipped at his coke and holding it up as if to salute the manager, in return he just got a shake of the head as Mr. Manager went back to feeding his loser customers. It was just sad that Harry considered himself to be one of those losers.

Nine a.m crept up slowly for Harry but when he finally noticed the time he jumped up and sprinted up the street and down two blocks, arriving at the Underground five minutes late. He walked up to the front counter, hopped it and plugged his name into the computer. Harry's manager insisted that be done when they started there shift and ended it.

A tall, fat, bolding man walked out from the back room, hands on his hips.

"Your late." he stated. "Second time since you started here!" His jowls flapped as he talked, the man always reminded Harry of an oversized bulldog.

"I was finishing the new window displays you wanted sir." Harry said taking them from his pocket and handing them over. Anthony, who's last name was unknown, (Harry suspected his last name was something dumb so naturally Harry had been trying to figure out what it was) looked over the drawings Harry had done that night.

"These will be fine. There's a bloke coming in, in a half an hour who wants his entire back done." Anthony said while posting the drawings in the front window.

"You gotta be kidding! It wont be till past five when I finish that! I have a life you know!" A lie. But it was nice to say it anyway. And as to Harry talking back to his boss, Antony would let Harry get away with murder as long as Harry kept working for him. Harry's the best thing that ever happened to the this place. At least it's good to be wanted.

"Yeah so? I told the guy that you'd do it, he specifically asked for you. Your getting popular you know, and this guy's paying big bucks to get his back done so get your SHIT TOGETHER!"

"OK!"

Several hours later, the said guy left with his girlfriend's name tattooed in large letters across his back with vines and skulls and other crap put forever on his back. Harry couldn't wait for him to breakup with his girl and have him come in and ask for it to be removed only to have Harry tell him it can't be done.

**-x-x-**

Another several hours later, three in the morning to be exact, Harry was laying on his back in his bed perfectly stoned having popped the pills he'd gotten earlier. He still couldn't sleep, but when he rose in the morning he wont be able to remember if he did or didn't so it didn't really matter. Nothing matters when you stoned.

_Chapter 2 is now fixed. Yay..._

_Nikki_


	3. officers?

Much of the next two week progressed the same as the last couple days. No or little sleep, work, pizza place, bus. Harry had become even more bored, which two weeks ago Harry didn't believe possible.

Harry lay sprawled out on a spot on his floor that he'd cleared by pushing everything against the wall. Music was blaring in the background, normally he wouldn't have it so loud but as Vernon was at work and Dudley and Petunia were out shopping for paint to redo Dudley's room, Harry had the house to himself. Just Harry alone with Children of Bodom, OTEP Disturbed, Tool, cradle of filth and others. What could be better for a work-free Saturday with nothing that had to be done? Harry could think of lots of things but was to lazy to actually do them.

Finally Harry managed to drag himself from the floor and to his desk. He felt drawing but his mind was blank of ideas. He either had to many or none at all. So instead he just stared blankly at the piece of paper before him, his head on his hand.

His mind re-played old memories. Like when he was still in his old muggle and he joined the school band, vocal quire and arts club just for an excuse to miss recess and not be bothered by Dudley and his friends. That was when he was taught to play guitar. Harry doubted he'd be able to play one now, it had been to long since he last played. Harry soon began to day dream of ditching the Underground and playing guitar on the streets for money, or doing both would be ok too. He was pulled back into reality moments later by the burning of his eyes, for he hadn't blinked the hole time he was zoned out. He switched his CD player that he'd bought in a pawn shop last summer, to the radio, now feeling like another human voice might make him feel less alone. It was on his favourite radio channel 'London's Best Rock.' The host DJ introduced the next song as Press Gang by Murder City Devils. The song started with a keyboard opening and soon a guitar joined it and then drums.

_Pecked by the seagulls, hanging from the gallows  
Twisting in the breeze, dripping something on the streets  
I can see him from my window, they can see him from the water  
Just a victim of the press gang_

Harry nodded his head lightly to it. He stopped what he was thinking about before and just let the song take over.

_Twisting in the breeze  
(Cut him down, cut him down)  
Left for the children on the street  
(Cut him down, cut him down)  
On the street _

_He should've kept his mouth shut  
He never shoulda' left that ship  
Don't go drinking down by the docks  
You don't know if you'll wake up_

Harry used the sheet of paper he had previously wanted to draw on to write down the name of the song and artist. There, now Harry had something to do, he would go to the mall and buy the Murder City Devils CD.

Harry listened to the rest of the song.

_I knew him when he was breathing  
He was a good man, he was a young man  
He was like you, he was like me  
It could've been you  
It should've been me _

_But it shoulda' been the press gang  
(Cut him down, cut him down)  
But it shoulda' been the press gang  
(Cut him down, cut him down)Cut him down, cut him down  
Cut him down  
On the street..._

Harry pocketed the paper, grabbed his jacket and left the house with the song still ringing through his head, glad he now had something to do. He walked past the bus stop this time deciding to walk. He made his way down to same part of town the Underground was in. The streets were small and the buildings old. There were coffee shops and cafes, book stores and open air sales booths. Buskers played various instruments all along the streets. There was even a french sector consisting of a block filled with expensive looking shops.

He went past his favorite place of all, it was a large building with the ground floor dedicated to live music. It was called the Freak Zone, dedicated to the local bands to get some recognition. Harry came here often but today he passed by it. He could here the muffled beat of music coming from inside and a crowd of teens standing around the door smoking. Obviously there was a show going on right now.

Harry could see the record shop now as he turned down a small side street. It two story building, the upper floor was a set of apartments owned by the manager of the store below. Harry pushed the door open as he read the announcement for some singers' knew album release.

"Yo Harry." Matt, the store owner, greeted him looking up from his magazine. "Look they published the story I was telling you about." He said tilting the magazine towards Harry.

"That's great Matt." Matt was one of the few people in this town he got along with. Harry was trying to get an apartment upstairs so sometimes he worked here for free hoping that Matt might lower the rent price for him. He said he might.

Harry went in search of the Murder City Devils CD. The rock section was near the back by the poster rack. There were two boys there stacking nearly a hundred dollars worth of CDs together. One looked up at Harry who watched with a raised eye brow.

"B-day cash." the boy said as a way of explanation. Harry nodded and turned back to the rows and rows of CDs. He looked for the Ms and soon found the Murder City Devils, he flipped through the CDs by them looking for the one with Press Gang on it. He found it. He took the album R.I.P. to the front counter. And dug through his pockets and extracting only fifteen dollars, he searched for more. He was sure he had more on him. The CD cost 19.99₤, he didn't have nearly enough.

"Dammit!" Harry continued to look through his pockets.

"Sorry Harry, if you were only down a couple of pounds I'd let you walk away, but sevens' to much." Matt said sympathetically.

"Hey, you short on cash or some thing?" it was the two boys from the rock section. One of them looked over Harry's shoulder to see what he was trying to buy.

"Yeah, Im down by about 7.00₤." Harry said dully stuffing his money back into his pocket.

"Murder City Devils, good choice. Here." He took a twenty from his pocket, "give me what you've got. I'll lend you some cash." Harry took the money back from his pocket and handed it over. The boy paid for Harry's CD.

"Thanks, I'll pay you back." Harry said taking the bag from him with a grateful look.

"No prob, you work at the Underground don't you?" the first boy said while pilling his own CDs onto the counter.

"Yeah." Harry thought he recognized him. "Just drop by while Im working sometime and I'll give the money I own you. "Thanks again, see ya." Harry left in a good mood, having gotten a new CD. Harry stopped a open air café a block down the road he knew the manager who bought him a cappuccino and sat down with him for a moment before she had to get back to work. Harry wasn't in a hurry to go anywhere and the weather was great so sipped slowly at his drink for awhile, he lit a cigarette and relaxed.

"Hey!" Harry looked up and saw the two boys again. "Can we sit?" Harry shrugged moving his bag with the CD off the table so the others could sit.

"My names Alix and that's BJ." The first boy introduced them.

"What's BJ stand for?"

"Blow Job." Alix ducked as BJ attempted to punch him.

"It stands for Billy-Bob, sick isn't it?" He confirmed turning from Alix who rubbed the spot on his arm where he'd been punched, and back to Harry grinning slightly.

"I see. Im Harry." they nodded.

"You look familiar." BJ stated looked closely at Harry, BJ had never been to the Underground before, or at least not since Harry had worked there so he couldn't have recognized Harry from there. _Oh no, he's not a wizard is he? _Harry thought nervously.

"You went to Public School with us I think, Little Winging Public? You were the Dursley kid's cousin weren't you?" BJ asked. Harry wasn't sure if he'd have liked it better if he'd been recognized for being The Boy Who Lived or the class dork six years ago.

"Yeah you were that little weirdo we all picked on." Alix grinned.

"Thanks." Harry said sarcastically, suddenly becoming icy.

"Sorry, we don't mean it like that! It's just that was you wasn't it? But obviously you've changed right, so it doesn't matter." Alix said still grinning good naturally. Harry calmed down a bit, realizing they weren't trying to harass him. He sighed looking back down at his food.

"So are you still living with that fat tubba' lard cousin of your's?" Alex said while drowning his fries in ketchup.

"Hopefully this is the last summer. Im saving up for an apartment. I want to enough money before I go back to school so I can move out at the beginning of next summer."

"What school do you go to now?" Alix asked looking up at Harry with curious brown eyes.

"A boarding school in Scotland." Harry hoped they didn't press further.

"Scotland? The Dursley's ship you all the way to Scotland every year? Jeez I wish my parents would do that to me sometimes." BJ said with a wince, obviously BJ and his parents don't get along. Harry decided to change the subject.

"What's Stonewall like?" Harry was referring to the high school he would have gone to had he not gone to Hogwarts.

"Shit. The math teacher, Mis. Figg, is a bloody witch, I swear!" Harry grinned to himself at that comment. 'Not quite Alex, a squib is not a witch.' Harry thought to himself. "She gave us two hundred calculus questions to do over the summer!."

"Well you're the one stupid enough to sign up for Figg's calculus class!" BJ laughed.

x-x-x-

Harry decided to take the bus home since his feet were sore from wandering around town with Alix and BJ for two hours. They had decided to meet up next Saturday to hang out and do whatever.

As Harry was coming up Privit dr. Harry spotted a police car parked in his driveway.

'What the hell?' Harry hurried through the front door and went into the living room where he found two uniformed cops siting on the couch and chair waiting. When Harry entered the room they looked up.

"Are you Harry Potter?" One asked in a monotone.

"Yes, is there a problem officer?"

"Sit down." he said motioning towards the other chair.

"No Im fine, what's happened?"

Then he said the three grim, horrible words,

"Im so sorry."


	4. Dead, gone and broken

_Chapter 4 is now redone, yippy! Enjoy the new and improved chapter four. Its still stupid but so much._

"Im so sorry." The officer swallowed. "Your aunt and cousin, you are aware that they were out shopping?" Harry shook his head and the officer continued. "Well they did. They were on they're way home on the highway when a drunk driver hit them, they would have been ok but they spun into on coming traffic." He paused. "A transport truck tried to stop and managed to almost drive into a ditch but the trailer skidded sideways and tipped over landing right on your aunt's car. They didn't stand a chance. Im sorry."

Harry looked at the officer stunned, this had to be some sort of joke right? Petunia and Dudley dead? No. This can't be happening to him, not again! Mom, Dad, Cedric, Sirius, Petunia and Dudley. Not again please not again...

Harry sunk slowly into the seat that had been offered to him earlier. His head fell into his hands and he stared furiously at the floor.

"What about my uncle?" Harry was supervised to hear his voice so steady. He looked up at the officer.

"You uncle is at the hospital right now, he'll be spending the night in a motel across the street from it, so that it'll be easier to contact him for the info they need to collect from him in person." he said standing. "I suppose you'll want a ride to the hospital to see him?" He asked Harry.

"No." Harry said quietly.

"Come now, your in shock, surly you'll want to be with your uncle. This is a tragic advent for your family."

"No! I don't want to see him. He hates me, he wouldn't want to see me, not now." Harry said staring the officer right in the eye and squaring his shoulders.

"I see, you just need time to think about it alone. Well if you need anything, anything at all just call me at this number." He said handing Harry his card. "I'll be back in the morning to see if you've changed your mind." the officer nodded his head to his younger partner and they left with a couple good lucks and sorry's, Harry saw them to the door and locked it behind them. He wasn't completely sure why he'd done that, but he felt weird and his knees were shaking and he felt dazed. He walked back into the living room and sat back down on the chair.

'_Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!' 'No! No! No!' 'Not again!_' Harry's mind was going crazy! Soon his thought's became so confused that he stopped and starred into nothing for about ten minutes.

Harry suddenly bolted up the stairs. He slammed his bedroom door as hard as he could, and ran over to his stereo and turned it on full blast. Mudvayne's song 'Fucking Determined', blared, hurting his ears but he was thankful for it because it drowned out most of his thoughts. He kicked the wall, a threw himself onto his bed were he punched his pillow over and over again. Till he felt sweat prickle on his forehead, he stoped and screamed ferociously at the wall,

"Ffffffuuckkkkk!" "Fuck you!" "What the hell did I ever do! Huh? What the fuck!"

He punched his pillow again. And again. And again. He jumped off his bed and began pacing furiously, his hands running through his hair over and over and over again. He felt a thousand things at once. Anger, frustration, fear, sadness, and many others that Harry couldn't explain. He needed to get his thoughts under control so he dove for his desk and looked for a blank piece of paper. He couldn't find one. He kicked it, hard. He looked to his wall ready to scream at it again, but the blank, slightly yellowing wall stared innocently back.

Harry had a sudden idea, he took paint from a cupboard in his desk and ran into Dudley's room and took the old sheets that Petunia was going to use to put down when she painted Dudley's room, Harry put the sheets down in his own room, over all the furniture, on the floor everywhere. He went back to his cousin's room and took the paint tins and brought them back to his own room, he filled them with several different colour paints and turned to his wall paintbrush in hand.

Several hours latter, five in the morning, Harry slipped down into the kitchen to grab a drink of water. Harry put his sweating face under the run of water from the tap before taking a glass and filling and refilling it three times. He felt feverish, and needed to do something. He wondered momentarily how Vernon was holding up, but that thought was soon gone as he was back up stairs and with his master piece.

By about nine in the morning he finished. So he went back down stairs feeling hole and much better, flopping down on the couch he thinking, '_I didn't like them anyway.' _and fell asleep for the first time in ages.

Knock. Knock. KNOCK! Harry's eyes shot open as he heard someone at the door. It was probably the policemen, as they had promised to return in the morning. Harry stood feeling slightly dizzy and made his way to the front door. The locked clicked and he pulled the door open, it wasn't the policemen but Alix and BJ.

They looked about as stunned as Harry felt at seeing them. They looked Harry over in concern.

"Jeez, you look like shit man." BJ said quietly still gazing at Harry's paint covered clothing, face and hair. His hair stuck out in every which way and he had dark bags under his eyes and was extremely pale.

"I feel like shit." Harry grinned slightly, stepping back so that they could enter, out of the icy rain that fell outside.

"What happened? You looked fine yesterday." Alex said pushing into the hallway and shaking his hair much like a dog would.

"Don't ask." Harry said quietly not really wanting to talk about it yet.

"Oh. Well we were going to the Freak Zone tonight to check out I.R.A. you wanna come with us?" Alex said still looking Harry up and down in sympathy.

"Yeah. I forgot they had a show tonight, I work with the lead vocal." Harry led them into the living room. "But Im going to want to have a shower if you don't mind waiting."

"Go a head, you look like you could seriously use one." Alex grinned.

"And," Harry winced "I have to clean my room."

"We'll help after your shower." BJ said confidently.

"Sure, thanks."

Harry had his shower and dressed with the usual colour theme; black. Black long sleeved button down shirt that he left open to reveal an black and white striped t-shirt, black jeans dangling with chains and his doc's to complete the look.

Harry went back down to the living room to Alix and BJ.

"My rooms up here."

"Were you painting it or something? You were covered in paint when you opened the door."

"Yeah."

"Oh my God!" they had just entered Harry's room. It was painted black from floor to ceiling but the eastern wall was covered in painted vines that looked so real you felt you could touch them. The vines entwined with roses pressed in on a person with black feathered wings with chains that pinned them to the ground. The person, a male, had bangs that fell in his face like Harry's, shielding most of it, but in the painting you could see the agony in what little of the face you could see, and crimson tears rolled down the cheeks. He had a long black, silky cloak with a hood on that flowed like liquid to the ground.

There were random roses painted around the room, two on either side the his bed and a big one above it. The harsh music in the background made the mood all the darker.

"Jeez Potter, you sure your alright?" Alix said in aw. Even the curtains looked like they'd been spray painted.

"Sometimes I wonder." Harry sniggered, picking up a sheet and throwing it in a pile on his bed, which he moved back against the wall. Alex and BJ got the hint and started folding clothing that had been pilled on Harry's bed. Even the furniture had been painted black, with a big red rose and pentagram on the top of his desk.

"You painted this?" BJ asked looking closely at the broken angel typ boy _thing_ on the wall.

"Last night." Alix looked up at Harry surprised, from the shirt he was folding.

"Wow..."

It took them just under an hour to set Harry's room right. So they left the house by about one o'clock to go grab some lunch.

"I know a place downtown where we can grab some pizza?" Alix suggested. Harry's stomach turned over at the thought of the pizza place Alix was referring to.

"Nah. There's a closer place were we could get a cheep but good burger and fries." Harry said.

"Sure."

They followed Harry to the park where a burger stand was set out.

Harry was right. Cheep, only two dollars for fries, a burger and a coke, but better than any they'd ever tasted. They sat around a picnic table taking and joking lightly.

"What times the set start?" Harry asked taking another bite of his cheese burger.

"Seven and it runs till two. Are you going to go to the after party?" BJ asked over a french fry

Harry stared. "I dunno."

"Were probably going, my cousins in the opening act, she invited us to go party with her." Alix said.

"What bands you cousin in?"

"Regional Periwinkle. She plays bass."

"I saw the last set they played." Harry said digging through his pockets for more change so her could grab a coke. "They had by far the best performance there that night."

"Cool, we can introduce you to my cousin." Alix winked slyly.

_Ringgg ringgg_

"Damnit!" it was the cell phone that Anthony, Harry's manager, had given to him because every time he tried to call Harry at home Harry was out someplace, so he'd given Harry a cell so that he could be reached anywhere. Harry answered,

"Hey Boss."

"Potter, we've got a group of nearly ten kids in here, they all want tattoos, could you get in here and give Amy a hand?"

"Why can't you?"

"Cause Im outta' here it a few minutes. Got an apartment to clean." _yeah right_.

"Fine I'll be there in twenty." and Harry hung up.

"What was that all about?" Alix asked.

"Just got called into work, a bunch of kids came in and I have to go help." Harry threw his garbage in the trash can next to they're table.

"Shit. That sucks."

"You can come if you want, but it'll take a couple of hours." Harry said as the others followed him from the park. Alix still had his burger which he ate quickly.

"Nothin' better to do, so what _do_ you have to do?"

"Tattoos. Lots of em."

_I don't like this chapter, never have but its way better then before I think don't you?_

_Nikki_


	5. Shea

_This chapter has drastic changes done to it but not so much that it screws up the rest of the story. _

_For people who haven't read past this point yet, the future chapters aren't going to fit properly with what you just read but it shouldn't be unreadable I'll fix it all later and it'll be worth it!_

Harry lead BJ and Alix past a group of about six kids to the back room of the Underground. The back room wasn't large but nor was it small. There was a row of medical beds set on either side of the it and there were a few tables with tattoo machines and piercing needles, set around the room. In the center was a large black tarp that separated it in two.

"There are some chairs over there." Harry pointed to a place near the tarp where four leather, cushiony chairs sat facing each other.

"Ookies."

"I'll be right back." Harry left the room returning moments later with a boy tailing along behind him, he looked nervous, but had a determined air in his walk.

"Ok, could you sit over there?" Harry motioned to the medical bed closest to BJ and Alix. The boy sat. Harry smiled reassuringly before going over to a cabinet against the wall and taking out a couple sheets of paper from it.

"Im just going to have you fill this out before we start. If you have any questions just ask and try not to leave anything blank." Harry said in a professional voice handing the boy the sheet and a pen. When he finished Harry took it and looked it over.

"It says your fifteen, anyone under sixteen has to have permission from a parent/guardian."

"I have a note, is that ok?" the boy seemed to lose his confidence slightly but dug through his pant pockets and withdrawing a note. Harry took it and read it. He looked back at the boy and then back at the note.

Harry was soon convinced that it was real as Harry noticed the boy was right handed and the neat handwriting on the note slanted in a way only someone left handed could achieve. Harry smiled and set the papers in a pile on the desk next to the bed. "Ok. So do you have your design?"

"Yeah." the boy handed over a photo of a dog. "It's the best pic I have of him, is that ok?"

"Yup. The page says you want it four by four inches and on your right shoulder blade?"

"Yes."

"Then could you please take your shirt off and lay on your stomach for me?" the boy tentatively stripped down his torso and lay face down. Harry pulled the light on the side desk low so that he had lots of light.

An hour and a half latter Harry was explaining the after care to the boy, having finished his work.

"I'll put my shirt on out there, I want to show this off first." The boy said with grin. As he walked towards the door he caught sight of Amy, the other girl who worked with Harry, finishing up the boy friend's tattoo. He winked and went back out into the lobby.

Harry turned back to BJ and Alix. "Feel free to leave if you want. This must be boring as hell." Harry said putting the file for the boy that had just left back in the cabinet.

"No, this is a vary educational experience." Alix said holding up the magazine he was reading. The mane head line was, '_What ten things not to do when piercing someone's nipple._'

Harry rolled his eyes, "My boss insisted on buying those. There useless, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know _not_ to goggle at your clients breast while piercing it."

Four hours later Amy and Harry had managed to finish tattoos for the four remaining boys.

Harry, Alix and BJ exited the Underground with relief.

"That wasn't fair. Its Sunday, your boss shouldn't have dropped four hours on you like that!" Alix said with indignation.

"Yeah well that's Anthony for you." Harry said with a shrug.

"We've got three hours before the show starts, I still need to spiff up." BJ said consulting his watch.

Alix snorted, "Spiff up?"

"What? Yes ok, you sure?"

"Huh?"

"What?"

"What?"

"Reality slipping away for you two?" Harry said looking at one then the next and back again not unlike one would watch a confusing tennis match.

"No idea."

They decided to go back to Harry's place, where Alix and BJ could have a shower and get 'spiffed up', what ever the hell that meant.

"Ok, all spiffed up!" BJ came back down after his shower. His dark brown hair was spiked and he had a dark purple t-shirt with a scull over a black a white striped long sleeved shirt. He had a pair of long black jeans. The tips of converse shoes could be seen.

"Like the shirt." Harry said looking back down at his book that he had been reading, it was called 'Theories of Relativity' a truly in credible story.

Five minutes later Alix came in, 'spiffed up' like BJ. Alix's black shag, that had a white streak in the bangs, was placed carefully so it curled at his ears and his bangs lay strait across his forehead. He had a black muscle shirt and a fishnet top on underneath that. He had black pants not unlike BJ's but his had a long silver chain hanging all the way down to his knee. He had a pair of motorcycle boots on his feet.

"Ready?" He asked.

"No, I still need to get clean myself up a bit." Harry said heading up the stairs. "Make it quick." He heard Alix's voice as he reached his bedroom. Harry jumped in surprise as he entered his room.

'_Oh jeez I forgot.' _He looked at his wall for a second before moving across his blackened floor to his closet. He didn't really have to do much, he was happy with the clothing he was wearing but he added a few accessories like a studded collar around his neck and a few spiked bracelets. He popped open the medicine cabinet and searched through Petunia's make-up until he found what he was looking for. Eye liner. He put it on laying it on thick but expertly. He examined himself in the mirror and tucked some of his hair behind his ears so the piercing's were more visible, then happy with himself, he went back into his room and popped a pill he had hidden in a box in his closet then he went back down stairs.

"That's spiffy." BJ said looking Harry up and down.

"Ok! If you say 'spiffy' or 'spiffed-up' spiff-anything! Im going to shove your head up your ass!" Alix said turning on BJ laughing despite.

"Uh-oh! Your gonna anal me with my own head, you anal!"

"Lets go!"

They had to walk to the older part of town because their was no bus service at this time of night. The ground was still damp from the rain that had fallen earlier that morning and the nearly full moon reflected off the puddles that lined the curb.

"Can't wait till we get there Im fucking freezing." Alix said hugging himself and shivering. Just then, the first few rain drops fell. "Fuck."

Harry was thinking that he should have grabbed his trench.

They were way to early for the show and Alix said his girlfriend was supposed to meet up with them at a nearby coffee shop so they hurried into the warm rich smelling building. The mere smell of coffee was enough to warm Harry up. They ordered and looked around for Alix's girlfriend. There were lots of other people who were going to the show here as well. Places like this were always packed before a show.

"That's her." Alix said pointing at a pair of girls siting at the far corner. "Common." and he led the way. "Hey Dev." Alix bent and kissed her before plopping down in the seat next to her. Harry and BJ sat on either side of the girl who sat across from Dev and Alix.

"Dev, Shea this is Harry." Alix said nodding at Harry. "Dev do you remember him? He was in our class since kindergarten till before we went to Stonewall."

"Yeah, I remember you." She grinned at him through a curtain of long black hair that in front of her face. "I see you've changed quite a bit."

"As have you." He said. "Hello." Harry said now staring at the girl who sat next to him. She was the most curious looking girl he'd ever set eyes on. She had bright pink, short hair which complimented her almost yellow eyes. She wore an odd assortment of clothing. Underneath an electric blue and black corset top she wore black fishnet and a variety of necklaces. She had a pair of blue bicker gloves on her hands with a chain that had been wrapped around her wrist a number of times. She had a short blue and black plaid skirt with purple fishnets on her legs and knee high lace-up platform boots.

Harry quickly looked away, embarrassed that he may have stared at her a bit to long.

"Hey." She said back, though he didn't notice that her gaze linger on Harry just as long as his had on her.

"Harry this Shea, Shea this is Harry." Dev said introducing them, "She's in one of the bands playing tonight."

"Yeah, I was telling you about her earlier remember?" BJ said.

"Oh, this is your cousin?" He said giving Shea another quick glance.

"Yup." He turned to talk to Dev and Alix leaving Shea and Harry to an awkward silence. Her eyes found the scar on Harry's forehead, they widened.

"My sister told me about you." She said in an undertone so the others wont hear. "You're a wizard." matter-of-factly.

Harry grimaced a bit but nodded. "Who's you sister?"

"Her names Luna, she's a year younger then me."

"Loony Luna." It was out before he'd realized he'd said it. He grimaced again. "Sorry, I didn't mean it like that." he said at her icy stare. "She was one of the few people who stood by me last year, not only that she risked her neck and fought along side me."

"She told me and dad all about that. Dad published the stories she told about it this summer. Not only that but the news papers are printing about it to." Shea whispered back. "For the first time Im glad im not a witch, with all the stories about you-know-who, it seems to frightening to stand." She said with a shiver.

"Yeah, its crazy." Harry wanted to change the subject because the others were starting to remember Harry and Shea were there.

"When does your set start?" Alix asked Shea.

"It's the third band in so not for an hour and a half probably." she looked at her watch and downed her coke. Harry tried to hide the fact that he couldn't keep his eyes off her, but their eyes kept meeting. "They'll be opening the doors now, shall we go?" at that they stood and left the warmth and light for the dark wet streets.

The crowd in front of the doors to the FreakZone had by now diminished as most people were now inside. They went through the small entrance room where they payed and received wrist bands. They followed a small group of teens heading off down a hall to the back where the show was held. There was a large stage set up at the other end of the room, the multi colour stage lights illuminated a band setting up there gear and getting ready for a sound check.

There were a couple of chairs set along the wall of the black and white checkered floor. It was unbelievably crowded, there must have been three hundred people, more people then Harry was used to seeing here. It was not surprising since it was the best line up seen in awhile.

The first band introduced them selves as Undamaged Insanity and began their first song of the set. The band was unbelievable! It was fast and heavy but well written and every song had a baffling uniqueness to it. A mosh pit had started in the center of the room. Alix and BJ and Dev left to go join but Harry stood by the stage with Shea and watched the band play, appreciating every bit of it.

A number of songs later, the band had finished their set and pointed the crowd to where they were selling cd's a t-shirts then began hauling all there equipment off the stage. The next band was Amy's band. Amy was Anthony's second favorite money maker (most people call them employs), she and Harry got along quite well due to all the hours they'd spent on shifts together talking, laughing and speculating what Anthony's last name could possibly be.

Harry caught Amy's eye and waved making playful cat calls at her. She waved and winked as she plugged in her foot pedal. She hoisted the strap of her guitar up her shoulder and lowered the microphone to her height.

Harry didn't miss the crest fallen look on Shea's face as she watched the display between Harry and Amy. He nudged her lightly and asked if she'd like to go with him to pick up a cd from the last band who played.

"Sure Harry. You enjoyed them too?" Then she looked back over her shoulder at Amy as they made their way through the crowd to the back of the room where a table was set up and Undamaged Insanity sat behind it selling cds and grinning and joking with a tight circle of friends.

"Hey." The lead singer said as he noticed Harry and Shea approach them.

"Hey." Harry pulled some money from his pocket. "Two cd's please." Shea started pulling money from her wallet. "Don't bother." Harry grinner at her.

"Yeah sure man." The singer handed the cd's over to Harry who handed one to Shea. Once they were paid for Harry led the way outside to have a smoke before the next set started.

"Who was that Harry?" Shea asked.

"Who do you mean, the chick on the stage?" Harry asked even though he knew that's exactly whom she meant. She nodded trying to seem casual as she took a drag of the cigarette they shared.

"That was Amy, I work with her at the Underground tat place, she's ok." Harry said taking a drag and handing the cig back to Shea. "Wanna take a little walk?" Harry asked her pointing off down the street.

"Sure." She fell into step beside him. There was a silence, but there was no awkwardness this time. "Have you know my cousin and Alix long?" She asked.

"Not really. We met up yesterday, we hadn't seen each other since grade school before then." a pause. "I wish I got along with my cousin like you do with your's."

"Me and BJ are more like brother and sister really. What's you cousin like?"

"Think of a wale with capability to be a complete violent asshole and you've got my cousin to a tee. Well he's dead now so it doesn't really matter." Harry had almost forgot about what happened yesterday.

"Im sorry. I don't want to pry, but what happened?"

"He had a little accident yesterday. A big accident actually; he and my aunt were hit by a truck." he gave vague detail but still she looked politely sickened. She looked awkward about showing sympathy, a problem Harry had too.

"Only yesterday?" though she did seem genuinely sorry for him. "Shouldn't you be with your uncle?"

"Shit no. This is the time I should stay out of his way, as long as im out of sight im out of mind and that's a good thing with that bastard." he looked at the ground bitterly for a moment then grinned. "You know what? I prefer it be like that. Im almost glad he never gave a shit about me because I sure as hell never gave three shit's about him. Never."

"I have a sort of similar relationship with my mother, we don't hate each other we just don't really care about each other, I don't know anything about her really and she doesn't know shit about me. We never made an effort to lessen the awkwardness between us. It was the same with her and her mother I think." a pause, "I guess its not like you and your uncle, but you know what I mean right?"

"Yeah. Do you ever think about what it would be like if your mother cared about what you were doing or gave you curfews or whatever?"

She crinkled up her nose in disgust. "Id hate to have one of those parents who always breath down your neck. BJ's mother, my aunt, is like that. She some super control freak, and I think she's like some psycho bipolar too. Now that I think about it, im sort of glad I have freedom and independence, I mean it sucks that I don't have a mother or someone to talk to about _woman _things with." she giggled and continued. "But still I don't have to pull stunts like BJ did to night, he told his mother that he was sleeping over a Alix's so she doesn't know he's here, she'd have kittens if she knew. She tries to pry into his personal life but that just draws her further away from seeing who her son really is." She looked sorry again, but for her cousin this time.

Harry looked thoughtful for a minute. "It's the same thing isn't it? My uncle, you mother and BJ's mother. My uncle hates everything about me but hedoesn't _know _anything about_ me. _Your mother doesn't care to know anything about you, and BJ's mother needs to know him to control him, but she doesn't _know_ him at all." he was silent for a moment, trying to think about how to word what he was trying to say. "All our families live on a constant function and that's dysfunction."

They were silent taking in the truth of those words, the irony. Suddenly Harry gave a small laugh and said, "We'd better get back to the show, the set will have started by now." Harry felt comfortable talking to her. He didn't go through the motions of picking a version of himself and acting out, there was no awkwardness and no dishonesty. She seemed to accept him and listen to him just as he had accepted and listened to her.

He liked her presence, it seemed almost calming, soothing. She had an aura about her that could do that to him, not many have that. Its what his frantic mind needed. He'd forgotten about the insanity of his mundane summer life as the heat and music burned his boredom away leaving him _feeling, _feeling alive. He really _felt_ for the first time in a long time, he no longer felt like stone but a person again.

When the show was over Harry walked slowly home enjoying the cool night air, he held a suppressed grin the whole way.

Shea's band was after Amy's, Shea played bass and lead the vocals, she in fact ran the whole show, her beauty and shear talent left Harry and rest of the audience breathless. They played so intensely that everyone in the crowd went silent in order to watch. Each song had a climax that left you winded and wanting more. Shea's singing could have made Amy Lee run for her money. they played melodic, almost celtic, gothic music but it was somehow heavy and fast at the same time. Harry had never heard anything so incredible in his life! Shea gave him her bands cd plus a tape she and her brother had recorded in her basement, and to his surprise and great pleasure she had said yes when he tentatively asker if she'd like to go out with him. He wanted to talk to her again, he wanted to who she was. She gave him her phone number and made him promise he'd call her as soon as he could and he said call sooner then that.

It was three a.m. when he arrived back to the empty Dursley house. It was dark inside but he didn't bother turning any lights on, instead he made his way through darkness by memory, finding the couch in the living room, he threw himself down and lay silent in contentment.

He couldn't wait to see her again. In fact he couldn't wait to see any of them again. He wasn't a major social person but he had gotten used to having friends during the year and he just now realized that boredom was not the only thing bothering him, loneliness had been getting at him too. Now he was no longer alone.

_Alrighty then, another chapter _completely_ re-written, what I had before sucked arse so I redid the entire concert thing and added a knew character, gave him a girlfriend and made Dev less important. I hope you like it better. Still lots of mistakes but the story is getting a bit better. _

_-Nikki_


	6. BANG!

Harry, who had been dozing on the couch in the living room ,was started awake by the sound of the front door slamming shut.

Harry could make out the dark outline of someone leaning on the door frame. The light switched on with a click and illuminated Vernon Dursley with a bottle of alcohol in one hand and the other holding himself up off the wall. His hair was tousled and his eyes bloodshot. Drunk as hell.

"Jeez." Harry said in silent exclamation. The man's feverish eyes fell on Harry who sat staring blankly back from the couch.

"You look a lil' hot en sweaty," slurred,"What were you doing boy? Jackin' Off? Eh Jack?" He laughed hysterically as if that was the funniest thing he ever said. "Eh _Jack_?"

'_Who the hell is Jack?'_ Harry thought but remained quiet. He'd wished he just gone upstairs to bed because now he had to deal with his extremely drunk uncle.

"You know Jack, you really piss me off." he laughed giddily again leaning forward while gripping the wall and taking another swing from his bottle.

"It's Harry, Uncle Vernon." Harry said with a raised eyebrow.

"You see thaz wha' Im a talkin...' bout." He said drunkly, "It's the way you do the that thingyeah that _thing, _you do, _eh_ _Jack_?"

"Yeah Uncle Vernon." Harry said dully getting bored of the situation vary fast. "Why don't you go put that drink away and go to bed." He said it quiet and slowly, hoping to coax Vernon out of his state. It had the total opposite affect. Vernon seemed to come back to his senses but in a frightful way.

He drew himself up and looked quite dangerous at being told what to do. "You boy don't tell me whatta' do! Thiz is my house! And a house is a man's castle so this is my castle." Harry was wrong to think he'd come back to his sense. "And you boy, are a...worthless...yes...and a pain in my...my..._thing_." his drunken speech tumbled over each other and he forgot what he was trying to say. He stumbled further into the room.

"Sure Uncle Vernon. This is your castle and Im a worthless addition to it." Harry said still more dully.

"That's right, Jack! And since this is my...my... my you know, I wan' you, " he pointed dramatically at Harry, "out." then he thrust his thumb over his shoulder toward the front door.

This caught Harry attention. "Yes boy, you, " he swayed on his feet and took another swing from his bottle, "are never comin' back into my castle, do you hear Jack?"

"Sure." Harry just sat unmoving, hoping that he had know idea of what he was saying in his drunken state. Vernon saw that Harry had no plans to move and looked dangerous again. "Do you dare disobey me? Im a king!" he shouted it in a giddy sort of way and his voice rose and dropped with out warning. "You shou' be hanged-ed-did!" and he promptly threw his bottle at Harry. "GET OUT!" Harry was on his feet now watching his uncle warily. He wasn't afraid of his uncle, he hated the man to much to fear him. Harry would have left the house but Vernon was blocking the doorway.

"Well Jack my boy. It looks like...it looks like...well I dunno! HA!" Vernon was giddy again, then all at once he stomped his foot like a spoiled child demanding his own way. "Get out! Get out! Get out!."

Ok now Harry was starting to get freaked out. People don't act like this just because they're drunk, he must have worked him self into insanity or something. Harry stared at his uncle who was now sinking to the floor with big tears rolling out of his eyes. Vernon crying was scarier than having the bottle thrown at him.

"There gone! Gone! My big strong Dudders and Flower muffin, gone forever!" he wailed in despair. "I know! I'll go see them!" and he was out of the room before Harry could think of what he meant, but when the meaning of those words did hit him he jumped in surprise and leapt towards the door.

"Uncle Vernon wait!" but Vernon was in the hall now holding the thing he had retrieved from the cupboard in which Harry had once slept.

The gun quivered in Vernon's hand, the end rested against his temple .

"Wait! You don't want..."

BANG!

Harry screamed as he watched Vernon's body crumple to the floor with a thud. Blood and brains covered the wall in a glistening red paint. Harry stepped back his hand over his mouth and his green eyes wide.

He bolted back into the living room and emptied his stomach all over floor before he found himself back on the couch. He sat on the edge with his hands over his face.

"Fucking bastard! God damn fucking bastard! What have you done?" after what must have been a half an hour he collected his rattled nerves and walked past the bloody form in the hall to the kitchen and to the phone.

He dialed the number for the police.

"Hello?" a woman's voice came from the other end.

"I need help." Harry didn't know what else to say. "Please, he shot himself, my uncle."

"Stay calm, we'll send people to help you. Where are you?"

"Number four Privet Dr." he said in a rush.

"We'll have people over there in five minutes, just wait and don't do anything." she hung up.

_Don't do anything._ What the hell did she think he was going to do? He decided that he'd rather be in the living room but that would mean passing Vernon again. He took a deep breath and ran into the hall, taking a running leap over the mess and back into the living room. He just stared dumbly at the wall until sirens wailed somewhere up the street and a great many vehicles stopped before his house. Harry went quickly to the door and opened it just as uniform clad men hurried up the front lawn.

The happenings of the next half an hour went by in a daze for Harry. He had been asked many questions about what had happened and he told them. It seemed his mouth had switched to autopilot and was going off all on its own. He sat just on the inside an ambulance with the doors open, his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. There were two people standing by him, but talking to one another about what happened and ignored Harry presence completely. They were suddenly called over to the other ambulance that Vernon's body was now stored in, leaving Harry alone.

Harry looked to make sure no one was watching him and took this moment to slip away. He stepped around the mass of people that had gathered to see what was going on. Neighbors were being driven back by police, it was this crowd that Harry disappeared into. He could see Mis. Figg looking over heads trying to spot him so he ducked low and began walking up the street hoping no one would notice. Once he was a block away he broke into a sprint only stopping in a near by alley.

He was overcome by such a strong wave of exhaustion he tried to reach the wall to support himself but missed and sunk into blissful darkness as he fainted.

_This chapter was hardly changed around and took about tem minutes to fix and go over._

_Enjoy_

_-Nikki_


	7. getting away

Harry felt cold. Cold and alone, but he couldn't fathom why. Everything hurt. He slowly became more aware and with a great amount of effort he pried open his eyes. The sun was shining somewhere above and a halo of blue sky rose overhead. Though from his spot on the filthy pavement of the ally, he saw none of this.

'_What the hell? How did I get here_. _Oh no_ _I wasn't drunk or anything...wait.'_

Uncle Vernon. Dead. Shot himself while _he_ was drunk.

'_Shit!' _He sat up and slipped over to the wall, putting his back against it and drawing his knees to his chest. He hid his head in his arms and just sat silent, unmoving for what felt like forever. He just couldn't think of what to do, he had no family. Not that he ever did really, but he had no roof and no food and no money. He wasn't going back to the Dursley's for anything except...

'_Oh shit!' _He searched his pockets pulling back relieved having found his wand in a hidden pocket on the inside of his jacket.

He shivered. And for the first he thought he had better think about the situation he was stuck in; no place to live, no money, no nothing. Harry's face reddened.

'_Im a bloody bum!' _he knew he'd have to write to someone soon but he'd be surrounded by people wanting to know what happened and just thinking of having to write it all out in the first place in a letter made his stomach clench painfully. He'd wait awhile before alerting Dumbledore. Suddenly Harry chuckled, Dumbledore's face when he realizes that Harry's entire family had died gruesome deaths in a matter of two days. He'd be in big trouble but it was worth it, let him have a taste of what it's like being kept in the dark.

Harry shivered, sleeping on pavement wasn't something he'd do again unless there was no way he could help it. He finally stood looking around hating everything he saw. He just had to get away from here! This neighbourhood, this town, he just had to get away. He walked out of his alleyway and out into the sunshine.

He stopped by the Underground and waited for Amy to come back out from the backroom. It only took ten minutes though it felt like thirty.

"Hey Harry. Your not working today are you?" Amy said surprised at seeing him.

"No, can I come back there? I need to talk to you."

"Uh yeah, sure." she knitted her eyebrows looking confused. They went into the empty backroom and sat down where Alix and BJ had just the previous day.

"What's wrong and...oh my god, your head!" She went over and kneeled down in front of Harry's chair and pushed his bangs back so she could look at something on his forehead.

"What?" Harry tried to pull away but she just moved to look closer.

"You've got quite a gash on your head over here, above your ear."

"Could let me breath please?" Harry said leaning back. "Does it look that bad?"

"Yes. What happened to you? Your paler than usual, well go look in the mirror in the bathroom and maybe clean that thing off before we talk, ok?"

Harry walked into the employees bathroom and gazed into the mirror shocked at what he saw. Just as Amy said, he was pasty white and there was dried blood near his temple. He moved the hair to look closer, he must have gotten that by the beer bottle that was thrown at him last night by his now late Uncle Vernon. Harry had dark ringlets under his eyes, his eyes were the worst part. They looked tired and sick, deep pits that looked lost and desperate.

Harry tore his attention from his reflection. He turned the tap on worming his clammy hands and then cupping them and splashing water onto his face. He glanced back at the mirror momentarily giving him a quick look at the water dripping from his to-long bands and off his chin.

He dried his face and washed the cut on his head before exiting the bathroom putting a cold mask over his eyes.

"Well you look more normal now at least." Amy said upon his return.

"Sure." he dropped back down into the chair.

"So what did you want to talk to me about?"

"I need you to tell Anthony that I wont be coming back into work, something's come up and I probably wont even be in Surry again." He said not giving anything away.

"Not coming back? Harry what happened, please tell me. You Anthony wont let you go with out details. And what happened to your head?"

Harry knew she was right. Anthony would probably track him down and drag him back here with his own two hands. Greedy bastard.

"Fine, tell him that my aunt and cousin were crushed by a truck two days ago and my uncle shot himself in our hall last night after throwing a beer bottle at my head. That should get him off my case."

"Your not serious!"

"I am. And tell him he can have this back." Harry held out the cell phone that had been given to him by Anthony. Amy took it looking tearful.

"What are you going to do now? Is there anything I can do?"

"No, I don't think so." he said as he stood.

"Where are you going?" she said standing too.

"I don't know and, shit! I don't have enough money on me to get a bus. I was thinking London."

"I'll pay for your ticket if you like?" Amy said opening the door for him and shutting it carefully behind.

"You don't have to buy anything, I'll manage. Really." he ended at her look of disbelief.

"No. Im giving you money for a ticket. Here half my pay for the last two weeks, 90. Take it and get yourself some food. Take it!" there was no arguing with her, so Harry took the offered money and pocketed it.

"Thanks."

"Im going to miss you, you know." she said glumly. While they were not close friends they had spent many dull hours behind that counter waiting for someone to come in, they used to make each other laugh. They gave each other a quick hug before Harry headed a few blocks up toward the bus terminal.

Once he got his ticket he sat at the back of the big Greyhound bus, hidden behind cushiony seats. The ride seamed to take longer than it had the pervious night without Alix, BJ and Dev. But two hours later he got off at a few blocks from King Cross station at the London terminal. He handed realised that it was so close last night. There was a fast food restaurant next door where Harry bought himself a lunch. After finishing he went out side and sat down against a wall and contemplated his options.

He had to get a place for the night; the Leaky Caldron was out of question, because once Mss. Figg told Dumbledore about his family, as she was sure to find out, Dumbledore would look there first. But no matter where he decided to sleep he would need money to get access to it. So Harry swallowed his pride and went over to King Cross station. There were hundreds of people comeing in and out of those doors everyday so Harry positioned himself against a wall next to them, put on a cold and hungry look and did as he had read in books.

"Spare change mister?" he asked the first to man to walk by. The man didn't even glance at Harry just ignored him completely.

"Spare change?" he tried again as he saw a couple going into the station this time. The man shook his head and received a glare form his girlfriend.

"Eric give the kid some money. Look at him he's hungry." Eric rolled his eyes and put a few coins into Harry's hand. Harry had learned something from that encounter, woman were more sympathetic then men.

"Any spare change, sir?" he asked the next to exit. He had an expensive air about him, he would probably be loaded in cash. Harry was right, the man discarded a handful of coins into his hands. Harry counted it out and came to almost fifteen dollars. Harry did this for the rest of the day. But didn't make much more that day, he now had twenty-five dollars. Not enough for much except food, which was fine with Harry as he was feeling empty in the stomach region again.

He went back to the restaurant next to the bus terminal. Later he settled down to sleep behind the train station.

The next three days went by the same as that first one out on the streets. Though that first day seemed to be filled with generous people because he didn't make more than ten dollars a day and went to bed hungry and cold. He new it could only get worse, the longer he was out here the worse it was going to get.

Today, July 31, was the biggest test on avoiding everyone he knew. Early that morning Harry was awoken by something. He thought it was his empty stomach at first but the sound of wings behind him drew his attention. Harry saw Headwig and sat up delightfully.

"Oh Headwig!" he said in an excited whisper. Headwig, Pig and an owl he didn't recognize, hoped up to him waiting none to patiently for Harry to remove there packages. Harry took Headwig's first and opened the letter that was with his package.

_Dear Harry,_

_I do hope this manages to find you as we can't._

_Dumbledore said something about your family, but wouldn't_

_give anyone details except that you would probably need time to _

_yourself_ _and lifted the search for you to just a few people. Only _

_the members know that you've runaway again, just so you know._

_Anyway, Happy Birthday Harry! Your sixteen now! Congrats!_

_I hope you like your present, it was difficult to find anything you might _

_like so I had a little help from Ron and Hermione. Enjoy! _

_Yours,_

_R. J. Lupin_

Harry didn't know what to think at the moment. He turned to the neatly rapped package, first removing the string and then the paper. He opened the box slowly wondering what it was and found another letter on top of what ever it was inside.

_Harry, _

_Hermione's direct quote upon seeing this was, "Get Harry this! Maybe he'll draw on this instead of his history notes!" I didn't know you were into art but according to everyone else your really vary good_. _Have fun!_

_Lupin_

Harry finally turned to the box and pulled out a fine leather bound journal. Harry ran a hand over it's cover before flipping it open. It was filled with blank paper.

"_Thank you Lupin!" _Harry thought excitedly, he realised he had nothing to draw with and turned back to the box and found a pack of expensive sketching pencils and a pack mechanical pencils. Lupin thought of everything. He set everything back inside the box and turned to the rest of the gifts. He received a book called_ Magical Artist of the 20thCentury _from Hermione

They must have a theme going. Harry thought as he opened Ron's present, it was a Manga, a kind of comic book originally from Japan done in Manga style drawings. Mrs. Weasley had knitted him a thin wool blanket, it was black and had his house lion knitted in the centre.

_This'll be great as a bed. It'll be warm enough with my coat as a blanket as I don't have to sleep right on the stone ground anymore, now_ _all I need is a pillow._

By the time he made it out front of the train station the sum was properly risen and you could see much more clearly that Harry had began to take on the look of someone living on the streets.

_AN:_ _Well what do you think of this one? He'll be off the streets soon if you don't like it. I think it's sad, don't you? _

_My internet's down right now so I'll update this later. Gotta go start the next chapter, Im thinking the next one will be called 'Neville.'_

_C ya!_

_REVIEW!_

_Never-fear-death_


	8. Neville

Later that day Harry sat in his usual spot next the front doors of King Cross station trying to bum money off of the passing people. For a time he took a break and just gazed at them, they had places to be, people to meet. But Harry had no one, he was running away from everyone he knew, for now anyway. He just could face the world with his friends right now.

The next people to pass was a young pair holding the hands of there young daughter between them. Suddenly the little girl looked over her shoulder and looked directly at Harry.

As the small family walked over to the cab that was waiting for them, the little girl pulled on her mother's skirt.

"Yes Laura?"

"Mommy, what's that boy doing?" she pointed over at Harry. The mother took in the boy's filthy, thin form as he asked someone something and that someone dumped a couple coins into his hands and walked away.

"That boy is asking for money so he can eat." She said to her daughter.

"Why? Why doesn't he go home and eat?" She couldn't understand why the boy was so dirty and sad looking.

"Because he doesn't have a home and he's all alone." Her mother said sadly.

"What about his mommy and daddy?" she was struck by the sudden thought that maybe he doesn't have any, what could be more horrible than that?

"I don't know. He doesn't have any parents probably."

"He must be so sad!" she cried tearfully.

"Maybe, but I think I know a way to make him feel a little happier. Why don't we go give him this?" She held out a twenty dollar bill to her. Little Laura took it excitedly and lead her mommy by the hand back towards the boy.

Harry saw them coming back his way and watched them curiously. They stopped a few metres in front of him. The little girl let go of her mommy's hand and ran over to Harry.

"Hello, here!" She said holding the note out to him. He looked at it and then around at the woman who stood a little back, she smiled reassuringly at Harry. He looked back at the little girl with a small smile of his own and took the money.

"Thank-you."

"Your welcome! My names Laura and that's my mommy. What's your name?"

"Laura don't be rude, it's time to go."

"It's alright. My names Harry." Harry said shaking her tinny little hand.

"Say good-by to Harry, the taxi's waiting."

"Good-by Harry!" and she ran over to her mommy taking her hand, grinning proudly as they left.

Harry was in an even better mood than before, it was almost a good day after his birthday presents and now that little girl who seemed to care.

Harry went to have a nice breakfast with the money he had gotten and came back feeling better then ever, but if he looked healthy then less people would see the need to give up there money to him. So he barely got enough for supper. Though it was better than the last couple days that he had a small meal late in the evening and nothing else for that day, but he had breakfast this morning so it wasn't so bad.

The next two weeks went the same. Harry began to lose wait dangerously and back to his dark hateful self, but this time it seemed be borne of jealously. Now he didn't have to act cold and hungry, like he did in the start, he _was_ cold and hungry and looked it.

One night he lay awake thinking that it may be to late to write anyone as the school year was only two weeks away. And with Dumbledore having sent his new school books and his owl results last week he could just stay here until September 1st, though he'd need to find away to clean himself up before he went among his class mates. Half a month had gone by with out a single shower and such little amount of food, he was begging to feel as if he'd do anything for a real meal and a hot shower. Anything, except write to his friends.

The next morning Harry was out before any of the big crowds started coming in for the Subway that was underneath the train station.

It had rained in the earlier hours of the morning and Harry had stashed his things, even the blanket, inside the boxes they had come in and then in an empty garbage bag so they would remain dry.

Now he sat down against the wall in the morning sunshine asking for spare change. He heard a whistle in the distance announcing the return of one of the trains.

Good. A stream of people will be coming out this way in a few minutes, so more people to bum change off of. Just as said before, a crowd of people began leaving through the doors next to Harry.

"Hey sir, spare change?" "Do have any spare change?" "Please, Mis, spare change?"

The crowd began to die down slightly and just as someone was dropping a few coins into his palm someone had stopped out side the door.

"Harry?" Harry looked strait into the speaker's eyes, and gasped. It was none other then Neville Longbottom.

_AN: I know this is short but the next chapter going up with it so I don't think it maters._

_Never-fear-death_


	9. what's with all the questions?

Neville got off the train dragging with him his backpack with his clothing and a few essential thing that he'd brought to his aunts house four his three week visit. There was plenty to do there as she living on a farm so he didn't need to bring much and plus his cousins were enough to keep him occupied while he was there.

The train was a whole hour ahead of schedule so he decided to go wait for his grandmother out front in the sunlight. Lifting his bag further onto his back he pushed his way past the large crowds coming of his train and one that had just come to a stop on a different line. He took a break at one of the benches to tie his shoe and put down his bag before making it to the front doors.

He had to wait for a good deal of people to pass before he could even think of leaving through them himself. He saw someone out side the window. He was small and dirty looking, Neville could tell he was asking for money as someone dropped some coins into his palm and then another person did the same. He couldn't see his face from where he was standing, but something about him seeming to touch something in the back of his mind. But as the way was now clear for him to go he turned his attention from the boy and stepped back out side. Now he could see the boy's face and there was no mistaking him, Neville could even see the scar.

But what was Harry Potter doing begging for money? He could even hear Harry ask some lady for,

"Any spare change Mam?"

Neville swallowed and then spoke, "Harry?"

It was Harry's turn to be surprised as his tired, hungry eyes turned to Neville. Harry said Neville's name in a whisper though more to himself,

"Neville." they just stared at each other each other then Harry's eye adopted a cold, blank look to hide behind, as he took in Neville's bag and thought he must have come off that train.

"Harry, wh-you...what are you doing?" Neville stammered taking in his friends thin form. He looked half starved.

"What does it look like?"

"Huh?" Neville was taken aback by the sudden ferocity in his friend's voice.

"I said what does it look like?" Harry said it slowly, as though he were talking to a child. Harry had no idea as to why he was acting so horrible. It was probably the stupidity of the question Neville asked, Neville seemed to come to the same conclusion and said,

"Sorry. I just meant that aren't you suppose to be in Surry with your aunt and uncle?" this also seemed to be the wrong thing to say. Harry didn't snap at him this time, just become completely blank and silent. But by the way his jaw clenched Neville could tell something big had happened to him.

"May I at least ask what happened?"

"Yeah, but don't expect an answer." Neville looked extremely put out now but couldn't stop wondering why his friend, or a least who he though was his friend, had become so cold all of a sudden.

"Ok, sorry, never mind then." Neville muttered expecting Harry to snap at him for that too, but he didn't instead Harry cringed slightly and looked at the ground.

"Don't apologise. Its not your fault." he said quietly, as he continued to examine his shoe.

"Now can I ask what happened?"

"No."

"What about why your asking for money."

"To by food."

"Why."

"If I don't eat I die."

Neville decided he wouldn't get a strait answer out of Harry, so he finally stoped questioning him. He sat down next to Harry.

"I would back off about a mile if I were you." Harry said quite seriously.

"What?"

Harry suddenly grinned. "Haven't had a shower for a couple weeks."

"Why?"

"No where to shower."

"Are you living on the streets?" Neville found it more affective if he asked a direct question that could be answered in a direct way.

"Yes."

"What happened with you and your family?" Neville said quickly. Harry shrugged.

"Did something happen?"

He sighed. "I might as well tell you since your not taking the hint that I don't to answer any damn questions, you'll just keep asking and asking. So lets go over around to the other side of the building to talk."

Harry lead Neville around to a patch of grass against the wall facing the sun.

"Ok talk."

"Fine." And Harry told him about coming home from the mall to a couple of cops, the death of Petunia and Dudley, the concert and then his Uncle Vernon coming home drunk and then shooting himself in front Harry in the hall. He told about him quitting his job at the Underground and running away and living on the streets avoiding other wizards and everything leading up to this moment.

"Im really, really sorry Harry. I didn't know."

"Nobody really does. But thanks."

"What are you going to do now?" Neville was a little pale, he felt horrible for his friend. Why did Harry ever do to deserve this?

"Wait it out for another two weeks for the start of term. Then I wont have to worry. I have a muggle bank account set up. There's enough in it to rent a cheep apartment next summer, I'll get another job then. Im leaving my parent's money alone for now, I'll use it when we get out school in two years." Harry said gazing down at his feet again talking out his plans.

"And Nev?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't tell a single soul where I am or what's happened please?" It wasn't a question. It was an order, all most a threat. It was that important to him. He couldn't be found.

"S-Sure Harry. I-If you say s-so." Neville stuttered looking at Harry fearfully, because the only way Harry could keep Neville from writing Dumbledore was if Harry killed him here and now.

And while Neville thought that Harry thought he knew he was going to tell and knew he'd have to move again so he wasn't caught. He didn't know where but after Neville left he was planing to get some food and then run again.

_AN: This is the third up date today, cool huh? The wonders people can do when there internet's down for several hours!_

_Hehe. Tell me if there anything you didn't like, I kinda took a chance at twisting the plot so much, but I guarantee that I can fix any thing you don't like. But if you love it, then tell me that too!_

_And a great deal of you, including myself, are totally into seeing Alex, BJ and dev again so I suppose I'll just have to bring them back into the picture wont I?_

_REVIEW!_

_Never-fear-death_


	10. Lupin original title isn't it?

_Ok your favourite Canadian author is back_. I AM CANADIAN. _Have you ever tried that beer? its disgusting._ _Anyway, I've taken up an offer from a wonderful reviewer who has asked to be my beta, Im sure you will be pleased to know, so don't snap at me for any further mistakes, blame the beta. hehe. I'm so evil._

Harry watched Neville's retreating back before slipping away, out of sight of the public while he thought. He went for supper and later he went back to his alley to put all his things together so that he could move them. He sat around drawing in his note book until it was to dark to finish. He put the journal away and left to find a place far from where he was right now. Harry knew that Neville wouldn't be able to keep his secret, and wondered if he'd already told about him and if so, who. Harry would come back for his stuff later when he'd found a new place. He found one not an hour later, in a new alley near an even cheaper restaurant than the one connected to the bus terminal he'd been eating at for the past few weeks. As he was heading back to the train station a group of boys stopped him.

x-

"But Lupin, Dumbledore said to stay and stay you'd better!" McGonagal warned Lupin. They were the only ones at Grimald place at the moment and arguing about weather or not it's right to leave Harry to his own defenses with Voldemort on the warpath.  
"Professor, I know what Dumbledore said. But Harry's only sixteen. I wouldn't mind so much if he were a normal teen and this was a normal circumstance, cause I know this happens all the time, I was sixteen too, but with Voldemort and all the shit-sorry-he's been going through, it's not right!"  
"I agree but there is nothing we can do! Dumbledore has his reasons."

"I know Dumbledore's reasons, he told them to me himself, but I think he's taking to great a risk here!"  
McGonagal was stopped in the middle of her own argument by the sound of Mrs. Black screaming. There were loud shrieks that didn't belong to her going off too, coming from up stairs. Lupin and McGonagal shared annoyed looks and went to see what was going on. They reached the top of the stares and saw an owl darting frantically around the hall, panicking from the noise Mrs. Black was making. "Damn old hag! SHUT UP!" Lupin yelled wrenching the hangings over her portrait closed in a fury. McGonagal had managed to snag the panicked owl out of the air. She carry it back into the kitchen, Lupin right at her heels.

"Temper Lupin, you can't go screaming at that darn painting."  
"That woman's driving me insane!" He ran his hands through his hair irritably. McGonagal pursed her lips but said nothing as she detached the letter from the now calm owl's leg.  
"Who's it from?"  
"My word. It's from yong Longbottom." she unfolded it and set in on the table between them.  
"Neville?" He leaned forward so he could read it too.  
"He found Harry! He doesn't seem to be in good shape, half starved on the streets! Stay here and contact Dumbledore I'm going to find him." Lupin jumped up and McGonagal made no protests. They moved quickly, one busy with the flu and the other charging out the door.

x-

Harry watched a group of boys cross the street towards him. There were six guys, all wore the same sort of outfit. Basketball uniforms or jean shorts. One wore an upside down crooked visor. And most of them wore a long chain with a marijuana leaf or the money sign hanging down to their navel. All had a light blue bandanas on somewhere. Gangster losers, and even more they looked posser even to there own clique. Harry suppressed an amused smile as they stepped on to the sidewalk, grinning slyly up to him. Harry snorted.

"Hey white choc-o-late! What's goin' down homeeeyyy?" one said exaggerating the word chocolate.  
"Fuck off." Harry tried to walk past them but they stepped in front of him.  
"Hey why you have to bust in our grill like that foo? We're just having a bit of fun wich ya!""  
"Fuck off." Harry repeated now getting annoyed.  
"No way little man. I like you. I'm goin' stay tight by you, like it or not." the one who seemed to be the leader said stepping up closer then Harry liked.

"No I don't think so." Harry gave them a deathly glare and attempted to step away again.  
"No not vary nice are you? Well boys how bouts we make the fucker stay?"  
"Yo yo check it!_ Little freak dressed in black Now we stab him in the back_. HaHA!"" One of the guys rapped.  
"So you want to fight me, is that it?" Harry said crossing his arms.  
"No, no, no white chocolate. We're not going to fight you. We're just gunna bust you're face in them leave. HA!"  
"What kind of pussy's are you? To scared to take me on alone? Need a whole army to take me down?" Harry said, the ghost of a smile flickered at the corners of his mouth. A good fight would be a good way to blow some steam, win or lose it doesn't matter.  
"Who said anything about being a pussy?" the leader of the gang said holding up a hand to his mates to stop them advancing.  
"If your not pussy then me and you. Only me and you."  
"Fine, I''ll fight you, I'm no pussy." but he looked nervous now as the others created a circle around them. Harry unfolded his arms. The two just stared at each other, Harry waited for him to take the first shot and just as he was starting to think the guy would give in before it even started the gangster swung at Harry's face. Years of Quiditch practice gave Harry the lead right away. Harry was barely touched two minutes later. Harry swung a particularly hard punch that must have shattered the guy's jaw, if not it was close to it. As the guy fell back he grabbed Harry's jacket and pulled him down too. They were fighting for possession over the other person's throat when someone called out.  
"Harry!"

x-

Lupin checked behind the train station just like Neville had said in the letter, after finding nothing he began searching. He walked a good deal, winding up and down streets and finding nothing until he turned a corner. His attention was caught by jeers and yells, a group of teens stood in a circle a little ways down the road. What he saw next made his jaw drop. Through the lags of the crowd he saw to the two fighters, one had the other pinned to the ground by sitting on his chest and elbows while he slammed his fist into the guy beneath him's face again and again. The one doing the beating was no doubt Harry Potter.  
'_Shit!_' "Harry!" the fighters kept going at it. Lupin sprinted up to them pushing past protesting teens grabbing Harry by the arms and pulling him off of the other kid.  
"Get off of me! Don't touch ME!" Harry struggled free and turned to see who had grabbed him, he froze.  
"Lupin?"  
"Har-Watch out!" To late. The gangster came up behind Harry and nailed him in the back of the head. Harry's eyes widened and he muttered,  
"What kind of pussy waits until the other dude's back is turned?"" And he  
blacked out.

_AN: Sorry this one actually took a couple days to write. Hehe. I hope this chapter was better than the last three. (By the way, Im hoping to get a hundred reviews soon I'm at 92. Hint hint)_

_Someone asked if Harry would be staying with Lupin. Yep. For a week or two then it's back two Hogwarts._ _Anticipate our beloved Alix, BJ and Dev in the next chapter or so. _

_In fact, since you all love em' I'm thinking of there being a Voldie attack in Harry's old town or something like that, I don't know yet, but I want them at Hogwarts. So if you have any suggestions or want to say something about that please do!_

_And more art stuff coming too_.

_Oh and Nev's part is over now, I just wanted a class mate to find him on the streets. I had debated on Draco, Cho(who I hate), the Weasley clan and a bunch of others, but in the end I ended with Neville. Sorry Draco fans._

_**And can any of you tell me how to put profile pics in my bio?**_

_REVIEW!_

_REVIEW!_

_REVIEW!_

_REVIEW!_

_Never-fear-death_


	11. Rain

Harry awoke with his head pounding. Was it his head? Or was it the rain pelting down on the windows? Windows? Harry felt a strange feeling that he could not quite understand, was it comfort? Yes, that's what it is, comfort and warmth.

Slowly he came more into his senses and flashes of memory from the following day flowed past his tightly closed eyes. He feared that if he opened them, that the soft fabric he held in his fist and the mattress below him would be nothing more than a dream. Until all at once the final memory of the night before fell into place. The fight with those losers and then Lupin pulling him from the fight just before harry had a chance to break the guy's jaw. Then...then Harry turned his back and...pain in the back of his head...then, then now, he remembered.

Harry's eyes snapped open and he bolted upright in bed. He was in a small room, that he could make out without his glasses, which he found lying next to him on a small shelf next to his bed along with a glass of water that he drank half of. Now he could make out a small vent across from his bed that lay dead and black with out a fire in it. Other than the odd shabby piece of furniture, it was bare. Nothing on the stained green walls, no decorations, nothing.

Low rolling thunder drew Harry's attention to the window. Harry swung his legs over the side of the bed, despite being fully clothed he still felt a chilly longing to just curl up under the warm blankets and sleep again, but curiosity to see what new world he was in now was greater. He crept slowly to the window pulling back the thin yellowing curtains. Rain fell from silver clouds over head obscuring his view as it beat the.

Harry quietly looked for a latch to unlock the window, there wasn't one so he just pulled it up. It jammed half way up so he pulled harder until in gave way. It seemed to Harry that they were in the country or in the middle of no where as he could see a field off to one side but directly behind the house was a stand of trees, some were already begging to colour orange and red. A wind blew and the silver undersides of the leaves danced into view, Harry looked down to see small vines climbing up and around his window. Deep red roses grew on the vine, the roses seemed to glow deep red against the grey world or rain, almost like no other colour excited. He watched as a water droplet made its way down a rose petal, like liquid glass. He watched it until it fell, shattering on the leaf below it.

It was almost music, this chorus of his thoughts and the rain, a slow tempo of mournful, dark, tunes. He stood staring out at the rain, still as anything until a low knock on the door broke the spell of harry's song. The door creaked slowly open and a faint light spilled into the dimness of Harry's confinement.

"Oh Harry! Your awake, I didn't think you'd be up yet." Lupin looked relieved and grinned. Harry felt like Lupin wanted him to say something.

"Oh." Lame. Why did he have to feel so awkward? Lupin seemed satisfied with this, or he just didn't notice Harry's answer.

"How are you feeling? Does your head hurt?" more questions.

"Fine, Im fine."

"You sure? What about some breakfast, come down and I'll show you around." He held the door open for Harry, leaving him without any choice so he stepped out into the hall. It like his room, was small and shabby. There were a couple small shelves that may once have held books but now only candles. The fire light caused shadows to dance across Lupin's reassuring face.

"This is the main hall, my room's the door at the end, and this is the way to the kitchen and siting room. There's a door from the kitchen that leads to the basement, not much down there though." he lead Harry through a doorway into a small kitchen, where Harry was surprised to see a small girl siting at the kitchen table sipping an orange juice.

"This is my niece, Lucie, she came to me about a month ago when my sister died while working in Africa and as my parents past away a few years ago and the father is unreachable, I get her. She's seven." he said with a sad smile looking down at her. She was blushing brightly as Harry looked down at her.

"Hello." Harry tried, shy himself now.

"Hi." she whispered back concentrating on her eggs and bacon.

"Harry why don't you sit and I'll get you something to eat." he pulled a chair out for him and started his own eggs, leaving Harry with no chance to argue so he sat down in the offered chair, ringing his hands nervously. The resulting silence felt awkward to Harry with no way to distract himself from questions like when is he going to ask what Happened? And why did he run away? Questions he knew he would need time to think of an answer that Lupin could understand.

"So Harry," Lupin's voice startled him, "How do you like you eggs?" Harry sighed with relief.

"Um, whatever. It doesn't really matter." he said quickly. He was wished he was out in the rain, away from every one. He had gotten used to being alone, without anyone to expect anything from him.

A plate was being pushed towards him, so he silently picked up his fork and began to pick slowly at his eggs, bacon and toast. All through his breakfast Lupin shot Harry amused looks until Harry couldn't take it any more and asked,

"What?" he didn't get an answer for a moment while Lupin looked him up and down, chuckling.

"Well Professor McGonagal told me that she banded you from wearing muggle clothing over the school year, she said you can't go around dressing like you do because your Harry Potter and is expected to dress respectfully. But, I didn't expect_ that. _I thought she was just over reacting."

Harry stared at him, vexed that he would attack him like that, and he still couldn't figure out why he was grinning at him like that so he just stared frozen, not knowing what to expect.

"Don't worry, Im not saying anything against your clothing, it just you remind me of _me_. Well me, your father and Sirius that is." Harry stayed quiet, but interested. "We went through our early eighties rock n' roll stage, leather jackets, ripped jeans, muggle skateboard shoes in various bright colours. We even tried cigarettes once, it was a disaster. Sirius nearly choked on his and ended up in the hospital wing with a burnt throat." he chuckled.

"The second he tried inhaling, he coughed sucking in the cigarette, he was the only one of us that actually tried one, we laughed at him for months about it. Have you ever tried smoking?"

Harry shook his head.

"Well that doesn't tell me much, because even if you do, Im sure you wouldn't tell me anyway."

After breakfast Harry was aloud to escape back into his temporary bedroom with the excuse of having a bad headache. The rain still hadn't let up but the sun poked through a small break in the clouds. The warm rays filled into Harry's room, pushing past the rain soaked windows and into his room. Harry saw little bits of black fur on the bed cover. He stood quickly stepping away from the bed in realisation. Sirius himself had slept on this bed the last time he was at Lupin's. He didn't know why he felt so disturbed but he did.

The small bit of sun faded leaving Harry alone in the dullness and thunder and disturbing thoughts of death.

A/N:_So did you miss me? God damn parents! Ok so maybe it was my fault I was grounded but still! A whole month! That's fucking insane, oh well I had things to occupy my self with in the last month_, _like,_ _I learned to juggle and I got the hat of my dreams! Hmm...and I moved. Im at my new house now, just moved in Tuesday. (I hope the people who move into my old house like the message I left on my wall...hehe)_

_I have decided to give the one hundredth reviewer a cookie, so I present a cookie to the wonderful Squiddie03__! now let us all applaud and chant "speech, speech, speech!"_

_Nikki_


	12. Home Sweet Home

Harry had been with Lupin for the last two weeks of summer, they weren't as bad as they could be. He had gotten to know Lucie a bit better but not much, she was still a small, shy mystery to him. The weather outside looped, rainy then sunny and back again, cold then hot, for the last two weeks. But right now, the night before going back to Hogwarts, it rained like the first day when he had come to, to meat that morning's rain. He hadn't said much, and to his relief Lupin had given his space and not said a word about the past month, but Professor Dumbledore had come by to say hello and see how he was doing and like Lupin he said vary little about what had happened. Harry feeling suspicious about there behaviour finally asked Dumbledore while he sat sipping tea on his visit a couple days ago.

"Aren't you going to ask me why I had runaway, or tell me why I shouldn't have?" he had asked.

"No Harry, im not. Is there something your waiting to tell me? Did you wish for me to ask?"

"No. I was just expecting you to is all." he said quietly turning and gazing into space, something he did quite a bit. Neither said anything for a couple of moments before Dumbledore had stood and bid him good day and left before Harry could say another word (not that he would've anyway).

That was two days before, but right now Harry sat on his bed with a book. It was still day light and as soon as the sun set Harry and Lupin would set off to fetch his things from the Dursley's.

Harry set down his book and listened but couldn't hear the rain this time, it must've stopped.

"Harry, Lucie, Supper!" Lupin's voice came from the other end of the hall as he called them for supper. Harry swung his leg over the side of his bed, socked feet creaking against the hard wood floor until they reached the door. Harry heard the door across from his open and tinny feet pad quickly to the kitchen. He followed seconds later, slipping into his seat at the kitchen table. Lucie sat quietly with a ratty stuffed cat held tight against her chest. Her raven hair was pulled back with a red ribbon and she had on a black dress that fell in frilly puffs around her knees.

"So are you ready to go Harry, Lucie?"

"Yes.

"Good. Eat Lucie, stop picking at it."

"Sorry, Im not vary hungry tonight." she stared shyly at the edge of the table. It had been the same every night since she got here according to Lupin. She hardly talked, hardly made eye contact, she hardly ate. Harry knew this feeling, it's the feeling you get when you first lose someone you cared for deeply. It can either get better or like in Harry's case, it never goes away. He had never been a vary out going guy, but now he was just so tired of everything, he didn't have the energy to fight off the feeling so he let it consume him.

Harry watched Lucie out of the corner of his eye, wonder about her. She wore a black dress with small bits of white frills here and there that fell down to her knees in frilly puffs, her raven hair was pulled back with a red ribbon and she held a ratty stuffed cat close to her chest.

Soon as supper had ended and been cleaned away Harry and Lucie waited in the kitchen while Lupin wrote a letter he had to send to someone before they when to Surry for Harry's things.

"Ok Im ready lets head off, we'll go into town first and I'll apperate you one at a time from there. I'll bring Harry through first and then you Harry, wait to receive me and Lucie and we'll get through this fast as we can."

They stepped out onto the front walk, they were in the old town of Hogsmead or the farming population of Hogsmead. Lupin's house was the first house you see when you enter the old part of Hogsmead and the walk to town took about twenty minutes. Though it seems like a lot longer when you walk in a silence as awkward as the one Harry walked in now. He would have to go back to the Dursley's house one last time

The only sounds were Harry's boots and various chains jangling around as he walked. He hoped that his things hadn't been cleared out yet, and wondered if anything was happening with the house of the late Dursley's. He was startled from his thoughts by a tiny hand rapping it self in Harry's. He looked down to see Lucie walking vary close to him as she clung to his hand with one of her own, and with her other she hugged her stuffed cat. She was looking down almost stubbornly as if she would refuse to let his hand go. So silently, he gave it a tiny squeeze and looked ahead of him.

When they arrived before the Three Broomsticks Harry's hand was still in firm grasp. He didn't mind but he was relieved when they walked in and took a seat for a few moments to revive from the small walk where she had to let go.

"Ok Lucie you stay right there, I will be back in a few seconds, alright?" Lupin said to her and she nodded. "Ok Harry stand up and come over here, just stay close. Now on the count of three...One. two. Three." And with a crack they were in an ally a few streets from Harry's street previous his family's death.

"Damn, I was aiming for your backyard." he muttered then with another crack he was gone. The next crack came a little to close, Lupin almost appeared into him with Lucie.

"This way." Harry said leading them through the alley and out onto the street beyond. The rain was starting again, and a cool breeze sent blades of grass on the lawns to ripple like waves to the doors of there perfect owners. The windows of the houses glowed warmly, blinking with life.

Harry hugged his long, leather jacket tighter around himself, though the weather, cool it as it was while it played with his hair, felt welcoming. He never really appreciated the feeling and change of weather before a storm before now, it was a strangely comforting feeling. He supposed it was because for the first time he had a warm house to go home to with people who cared for him.

The house before him however, was nothing to look forward to. The Dursley house rose forbidding and black before him, with its yellow police tape tied around small wood pegs stuck into the lawn who's grass was elongated and full of weeds. The tape was ripped in places and pieces of it could be seen strewn around the front garden among the flowers where the wind had discarded it.

"Home sweet home." Harry muttered trudging up the lawn to the front door. It was locked and Harry took out the spare key that Dudley thought he lost two years ago, Harry, having been locked out several times by his cousin thought that he needed it more than him.

Harry felt a tug at his sleeve and he looked down to Lucie.

"My feet hurt and I'm scared." she whispered.

"Climb up on my back." he said kneeling down so she could clamber up on his back where she hugged his neck and rested her chin on his shoulder.

Harry pushed open the door and stepped into the hall, he tried the light switch but the power had been cut so he let Lupin past first with his wand lit.

"The stairs are strait down the hall." Harry said quietly nodding off into the gloom. Three weeks had done a lot to the place, with all the police investigators walking in and out of the house for the first week or two. Mud plastered the floor and blood the walls. Harry stared strait ahead trying not to think of that heart stopping moment when Vernon pulled the trigger to his own head.

They mounted the stairs into the hallway at the top.

"Which is yours?" Lupin said stopping and turning slightly to Harry.

"At the end, black door with the big rose on it." Harry said nodding ahead of them. They past the shadows of open doors of the former Dursley's. He stopped as Lupin pushed open the door.

"Dear God." Lupin muttered silently looking about him.

"Here." Harry found his red light, it ran on batteries and glowed as he turned it on. The light flooded through the room in a warm sort of way, the painting on his wall of the fallen angel glowed against the black background that coloured the rest of the wall.

"Its so pretty." Lucie said in aw staring around her.

"I was in a weird mood when I painted it." Harry said blushing at Lupins pale face.

"You painted it? Wow, Ron and Hermione were right, you are good. But we have to move, I don't want to be here longer then we have to. Where's your trunk?"

"The closet." Harry pulled it out of its place and left it open on the floor. Lupin enlarged the inside of it and magiced everything into it, then he shrunk and handed it to Harry.

"There done."

**-x-**

The trip back was just as uneventful as the trip there, except that the rain was now driving in freezing waves. With Lucie back on his back, Harry and Lupin ran up the front walkway to the front door where they practically fell through the doorway in there haste to free themselves from the cold.

Lupin set them up with teas and a hot chocolate for Lucie. They sat sipping quietly glad to be dry and warm at last. By now it was eleven o'clock and Lupin insisted that he put Lucie to bed now.

"I want Harry to put me to bed." she said looking down at the table. Harry and Lupin looked at each other for a moment.

"If Harry doesn't mind."

"I don't." Harry had nothing better to do and he was still curious about the small girl who came to Lupin's charge.

"She likes to be read to at night." Lupin had said before Harry herded Lucie up the hall to her room. It, like Harry's, was small and shabby. A few stuffed animals lay across the unmade bed and a fire in the grate sent shadows across the statue of a horse that sat on a table next to the bed were an expensive looking gas lamp stood. Lucie saw Harry looking at it.

"My Mommy bought it in Africa where we lived while she worked." she said quietly looking through her drawers of her dresser. She pulled out a silk nightgown.

"I'll be out here while you put that on." Harry said stepping out of the room back out into the hall where he leaned against the wall. A few minutes later she poked her head out of the door.

"I need help. Can you untie the back of my dress please?" she looked almost tearful.

He knelt down and she turned around holding her hair, that she removed the ribbon from, up for him. He carefully untied the ribbon and loosening it where it was laced all the way up her back.

"Thank-you." and she disappeared back into her room for a few more minutes. When she next emerged she was dressed in her white nightgown and her dark hair fell around her face. She still held the stuffed cat, Harry doubted he'd ever seenher without it. She climbed into bed and Harry pulled the thick blankets over her.

"Can you read?" she asked hopefully.

"Yes." Harry said amused.

"Can you read this to me?" she pulled a small leather bound book from under her pillow.

"What is it?" Harry took it from her and flipped open the cover. For the title it was printed the words; _To Mock the Cause of Irony._

"It's a book. My mommy said I was too young for this book a few months ago, but Im older now and I want to read it." she said proudly.

"Sure, I'll read it, though if it gets to complicated we'll stop, alright?" she nodded and Harry opened the cover and began to read. He did so until he saw Lucie's eyes flutter about while she attempting to stay awake.

He closed the book and put on the table beside her where she will find it in the morning and said, "Night." though she didn't seem to notice as she her eyes fell and didn't open again. Harry crept across the hall to his room and made sure everything he was bringing to school the next day was packed in his trunk, the only things he wasn't bringing were his CD player, CDs and the cheap walkman he bought secondhand. All his books, except the one he was readingand all his clothing were packed, as well as all his new things that they had gotten a couple days before at Diagon Alleywere there.

He set his wand on top of his trunk, and slipped over to his window, he opened it and climbed onto the windowsill where he sat for hours.

He looked down at his watch, it read five o'clock and the sky beyond the mountain had a pink tinge against the ink black of the fading night.

_How many more sunrises will I see? _He began to wonder. _How many more can I stand?"_

**A/N: DONE! Sorry this took so long, unlike when I first started this story, when I was updating by the hour, it seems to have slowed down. But I shall pick it back up to its original pace. Im going to answer reviews, but if I don't mention you don't take it personally, Im only going to answer questions for now;**

**ophiron: glad you liked the song, and thank you so much!**

**ChesterStanley: Yeah, I like this one better too, but that doesn't mean Im not going to quite the others so you can expect another update for my other one soon! See ya!**

**lunar-blood-rose: I know...:**flashes pointed teeth with a grin

**Siriuslyfun19212: I totally agree! Thanx!**

**Lindz: Hey! You want to know what I wrote on the wall? Well it was part of a paragraph from the book Sweetblood by Pete Hautman, pg:82 mid page; I wrote, **_"I wonder if anything stays. When we sit in a place for a while, does some little tiny fragment of soul remain behind?**"** Well if that's true I would lock this room up forever, there would be so much invisible pain left from eight years imprisoning myself in this room. No matter how much scrubbing you do, my disease remains on these walls with you. Like a ghost, you will feel me there._

**Lame, I know, but you didn't see the people who were moving in, a young, handsome, happy couple, you know, people who can't take anything but the norm. And that's not the only place Iv written on the wall. My parents never got mad at me for writing on the wall, so I write reminders, notes to my self were I'll be able to see them when I need them.**

**Anyway, I'll try to take your advise on longer chapters and for a big blow up scene, there will be one but not with Lupin, I wont tell with how because that would ruin the story! ) and about Harry joining a band...Ahh! Evil purple sponges! Gotta go! **

**Tessa Kitsune: Read what I wrote for the review right above you, that will tell you what a left on my wall, hehe. Thanks for the review! **

**Talons: yep, Lupin in leather! See ya!**

**Angry Butterfly: Can do!**

**Kyle: your gay. :**_grin__(kidding!)_

**applebottoms: Yes its kinda cold, here. But only late in the fall, winter and early spring. It can get down to -12 on a normal winter day or it can get to -17 if its really cold.(**I hate the cold**!) Though during summer(or from May to Sept.) its from +25 to +30 till mid or early September or something. Though I live in southern Ontario so it doesn't count. Though once you get to Quebec or out west then it gets kinda cold(I use to live in Ottawa, sweaters are good even during sommer)**

**japanese-jew: I know what you mean. **

**Amones of Magic: true about what you said about Minerva! Hyperness and parties rock! And the last sentence of this and the last Chapter might be foreshadowing, but I wont tell you yes or no yet, you'll just have to wait and see! ; )**

**C ya yall!**

**Nikki**


	13. spappy crappy chappy

IM CHANGING MY PEN NAME TO SIMPLESUICIDE! Gots it peeps?

_All right, my suicidal friend, (who's now my boyfriend) stabilised. I just love him...hehe...he's happy once again. All good. Now I can come back and write for my beloved and furious reviewers. I feel embarrassed showing my face back here, but I had to get my life (and Brice's) back in order and besides its summer now, you'll see a lot more of me._

_By the way, the chapter sucks ass, im just updating so you know im still alive. I did this in like two hours (i had a good chapter already done but my computer crashed and i lost it)_

_and the will still follow my own agnsty version of the sixth book, and since i found the real book six to be a disappointment until i had 200 pgs left, im not going by jks book at all, just the plot about the horcruxes or what ever they were called._

_What's happened so far..._

_1) Harry is found by lupin during a fight_

_2)Neville sent a letter_

_3)Harry living with lupin and lucie_

_4)harry read her a book that was her mothers_

_5)by the way, that last one was on the last day of summer _

_holidays so harry is taking the train in this chapter_.

_If you still can't remember what's Happening, you can read it from here just remember harry is quite 'gothy' in appearance...so ya, just read._

_**/IMPORTANT/**_

_Would you all hate me if I made this a bit of a snape thing?_**Not**_ slash, just a tincy severitus? You know more understanding, maybe live with him later? If you don't like it I wont do it but I really want to..._

Harry arrived at the train station half an hour early since Lupin had to bring Lucie to the privet school her mother had sent her to every year since she was four. He took a seat as close to the back as he could and lay across one of the seats once his shit was packed away in the compartment overhead. He folded his arm over his eyes to keep the bright light from burning through the back of his eyelids. He was left alone with a reeling mind, a dangerous thing for some people especially for Harry. He began thinking bitterly about all the people who had screwed him over and of how much of a fuck up he is. Supposed to save the world again. It was such a joke, the times he'd saved the world, like saving the philosopher's stone, he'd been dubbed a meddlesome brat and it had gone like that year after year after year. Now he was _expected_ save every ones sorry hides? Maybe they needed a shaking up, what if Harry didn't want to save the world this time, then they'd be screwed. Harry smiled slightly at the thought, it would serve them right. It wasn't long before the door slid open, he looked over to see Hermione.

"Hello." he said in a friendly voice he hadn't used for months, probably before the death of Sirius, but still it wasn't as genuine as it was then.

"Harry! You're here. Iv been siting near the front for about twenty minutes I was starting to thing you were going to be late again, I had no idea where you were."

"Relax Herm, there's still ten minutes until the train leaves." he raised his eye brow at her as she was leaning uncomfortable close to his face.

"You didn't have any on your lip last time I saw you and what happend to the one you had through your nose?" she asked clearly indicating his piercing's.

"Eh, I didn't like the one in my nose so I just took it out." he said distractedly as he could see a cluster of red hair from his window, the entire Weasley family minus one Percy and the two oldest Weasley's were a little ways up the platform. Hermione leaned forward and crooked her neck so she could see what he was looking at.

"Oh!"

Harry pulled the window open and the two of them stuck there heads out of the compartment.

"Oi, Ron!"

"Hello Ron!" they called and six red heads turned there way, they waved and soon Ron and Ginny were it there compartment hanging out the window to say goodby and hello and exchange small talk.

"How have you been Harry?" and, "Glad to have you back!" and, "If you ever need a place to go again, you come strait to the Brow, do you hear me? I'll beat Dumbledor off with a broom if he tries to send you away!" and Harry was glad he was separated form her as the hug that was sure to come out of that would break his ribs. That woman's love hurts at times.

"The train leaves in two minutes!" a voice echoed off the stone walls in a distant sort of way as the hundreds of people on the platform drew the sound from the air.

"We'll see at Christmas dear." Molly stood on tippy tow to kiss her son goodby on the cheek. "And you Harry?"

"Iv got arrangements with Remus and his niece for the holidays."

"That's nice, then we'll see you next summer perhaps and you Hermione as im sure you'll be with your parents for christmas."

"Yes Ms. Weasly."

At last, with a hiss of steam the train began to move out and they pulled there heads back in the window.

"You have more piercing's than I remember." he said tuning to Harry with a frown.

"I put a few more in, but you've never seen me with more then one of them at a time anyway because of McGonagal's rule of no more then one in at school at school.

"Ah I see. Bill said I should get one through my ear like him but we never got around to getting it done." he said, "It can't hurt that much, you've got so many."

"It stings but by the sixth or seventh you don't notice it anymore." he said casually, leaning back against the seat, he was glad for the company of someone his own age for once, it had been a month since he last saw Alix and the others.

The three of them talked for a while about there summer and Harry told them about his work at The Underground and his boss Anthony who with out thought would call him in the middle of the night if he himself didn't feel like working night shift where Harry did tattoos and piercing's for the insomniac population the town. At this point Harry offered Ron if he'd let Harry do his ear for him.

"Sure, why not? You've got things you can do that with?" he had asked.

"Iv got a kit, its good for making a couple bucks here and there." at Ron's fallen look he said, "You don't have to pay, im offering it as a friend."

Hermione told about her job at the book store her grandmother owns, even Ron worked part time at his brothers joke shop (against his mothers objections of course).

"We've had a busy summer haven't we then? Look what I bought myself for my birthday!" Hermione held up her wrist and a silver chain with a angel dangled in front of her face.

"They mustiv' paid you well there." Ron said with admiration. "I couldn't afford jack shit with the five pounds for twenty four hours of shit I did this summer!"

"Ah well, it's the twins, im sure if they don't pay you in money it'll be something else."

"What do you meen?" Ron asked Hermione.

"When I went shopping for the new school books I went into there shop to say hello and we got to talking and they said that you've been doing some jobs for them, but the rest they made me promise not to tell you."

"Hmm! What are you doing?" he shot the latter at Harry who was pulling something from the backpack he had brought with him to his seat.

"Sorry?"

"I said what ar...what the heck is that?" He stared at the badly beat up and scratched CD walkman Harry was entangling from the equally shitty looking headphones.

"It's a portable music player. You just put in a disk like this," he placed his Bad Religion cd in it and let it close with a snap, "and there you go, instant kick ass Bad Religion starts playing through these things," holding up the headphones. "And there you go!" he said all this in mock sales-person-buy this!-buy this!-voice.

"It wont work at Hogwarts though, will it? And what do you mean by Bad Religion?"

"No it wont work. And wizards are still living in the stone age when it comes to music, Celtic, medieval, hand made instruments. I mean its all good but their's no genre selection, if the popular music of the weird sisters doesn't do it for ya, your screwed music wise. Unless your subject to muggle music. And there countless different kinds of musicHere listen." he held the head phones to Ron, who placed them over his ears tentatively. Harry contemplated putting the sound as loud as it could go but he didn't want Ron's first experience with electric music to be wost then it already will be. So he left the volume half way. He put track four, Broken of the _Process of Belief_ album

Ron gave a bit of a jump as the electric guitars took the opening and lead the rhyme on until the gruff vocals of the lead.

"Whoa! This too weird!" he handed harry the headphones looking disturbed, "you call that music!"

"May I?" Hermione reached forward to take the headphones from Harry. "Turn it all the way up so we can all here." Harry did, she probably wanted to play rock critic, the lyrics went as follows...

He was a troubled child, had been down for a while always kept to himself,  
Though she couldn't defend he only wanted a friend, now he's made something else  
It's so sad, no one saw it coming,  
The paper said that he hit the ground running

Oh yeah I know I'm not broken  
A little cracked but still I'm not broken  
I wanna laugh but I think that I'm choking on reality...

"Well, its not what I listen to, but its neat I guess. Im not into hard stuff like this." Hermione gave the headphones back and harry turned the sound back down.

"This isn't close to heavy, heavy is my static-x or cradle of filth. This is just plain out punk rock."

"What's the, what are? Huh?" Ron was confused.

"Those are music genres, punk is usually strait forward, drummer, a guitarist or two and a bass, normally, and it about teenage rebellion. They sing about there displeasure with there parents or government, bitter towards authorities but love to party. That's story in most punk songs."

"Good Charlotte don't sing about anarchy." Hermione stated. Harry seemed to have an internal battle with himself for a few moments before saying, "yeah but Hermione, they were labeled a punk band because MTV got away with it. Its pop punk if that, its just two light."

"Not true, have you seen what they look like? They dress like you do!" she pointed down at his feet, "your wearing Benji's shoes!"

"No, im wearing converse, they were around before him probably. Listen to a punk band like Bad Religion or Authority Zero and tell me if Good Charlotte is still punk." Harry was beginning to tire of this conversation. So he pulled his head phones over his ears and put it to the first song and prepared to let it play through.

He closed his eyes while Hermione sat curled up with a book. Ron had taken out a chess board and was figuring out new strategies to humiliate Harry by beating him with in four moves. When Harry next opened his eyes he noticed the scenery was no longer flying past as the train slowed.

"Oh now what?" Harry said annoyed. They had stopped for no reason it seemed for now and Harry was hoping beyond hope that the train merely broke down. The driver's voice rang magically through the train.

/_We ask that all students return to there compartments right away as the windows and doors will be loc... _/ the voice broke off mid word echoed in Harry's ears.

"What's going on?" Ron

had his nose pressed against the window trying to see what was happening. All compartments opposite theirs, with windows facing the other side of the train, broke out into gasps and cries of _'Death Eaters! Lots of them!_' were yelled.

"There on the other side." Hermione said unnecessarily.

"Fuck! God Damn that stupid fucking bastard...!"

"Calm down! Jeez, swearing at someone who can't hear yo...look!" Hermione stopped and pointed out the window with a sudden grin. Harry and Ron looked around and saw several Hogwart's Teachers and a large number of who they guessed were aurors were gathered, wands out and, in the forest talking and pointing. Several nodded and three groups formed. Two of them stalked silently out of sight to the front and back and the last group, lead by Dumbledor decided to go over the train.

"Oh my! Listen to it out there!" Hermione said getting her wand from the bottom of her purse. Ron was still at the window, trying to see if any of the fight had gotten to there side of the train yet. Harry on the other side was laying back on his seat with his headphones turned up all the way, his eyes closed. It was mere minutes latter when his scar burned and his vision was brought down the train to where he saw, or in visioned, four death eaters climbing in to an empty compartment from the broken window.

His eyes snapped open and he ripped his headphones off. Siting still, wide eyed, at the space before him.

"Harry what's the matter?"

"Their in the train." he said quietly steading his wand towards the door as he could here foot steps on the other side.

It opened...

_Stupid, stupid, STUPID! Iv got an angsty chappy coming up next it'll blow the rest of the story away. I know this had nothing to do the with plot and i don't think i should have put it but what ever. _

_I update for the first time in months and I leave you with a cliffy, im am a bitch, but at least you'll still get a chapter in under a month, ok in about three or so days a soon as iv finished the 6th book!_

_HAPPY HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF BOOLD PRINCE RELEASE! YEAH! YOUR ALL INVITED TO A PARTY! _

_By the way, iv been a thinking, if I seem to be going to long with out updating e-mail me (jackbobsympatico.ca) And ask if _you, _yes you, could write the next chapter. If im not writing someone else can replace me for a chapter or so. I would like to hire a someone._

_Ok now im going to upload this and check my reviews (i haven't done that in a LOOOOONG time, im scared im going to fine nasty things...) _

**Oh and I did it!** I finally managed to put pics of me on the internet, retarded ones (my bro took them when we were home alone and raiding the fridge of all sugar filled beverages) but you can see my socks! My socks rock my socks off! Its at my new account, heres the thingy where you can see them...


	14. bad chapter or Back To Hogwarts

"Malfoy! Get the hell out!" Harry rose his wand at the boy who had just slid open there compartment door.

"And miss a chance to find out what's so special about Dumbledor's golden boy? No, as you might know, there are death eaters searching through all the compartments, and since when has the great Harry Potter ever given up a moment to show off?"

"Just don't get in the way." Harry muttered distractedly. He could here the screams of the rest of the school echoing as each in turn realised there were death eaters making they're way along the train.

All of them, even Malfoy, had there wands out and were looking nervous except Harry. His wand didn't shake like the rest of then, in fact he had worked himself into a long suppressed rage that before then had bubbled before the surface all summer and was now released.

Jaw clenched, intense, green, eyes embracing an almost physically visible flame, stood stalk still beside the quiver of anticipation. Sparks were now flying from his wand, singing the door. He was angry.

The yells of the death eaters them selves could now be heard as the no doubt had to shield against older students trying to curse the heads off any death eater that stuck his head into there compartment.

"When I get to three, jump out into the hall and shoot any curse you can think of, just shoot don't think, but keep the aim away from the compartments." Harry said quietly as the DE were checking the compartment next to theirs.

"One." a scream was heard from next door. "Two." the compartment door slam and voices saying, "this is the last one, he's got..." "Three." And Harry promptly blew down the door with a well conjured blasting jinx. The world around harry's ears erupted with blinding light as Hermione and Ron took Harry's suggestion to heart and began shooting every spell that came to mind. If he had was in any way capable of turning around at that moment he would have saw Malfoy crouch low so the death eaters couldn't recognise him as he shot his own spells at them. Harry was shooting desperately but there shield charm was too strong. He had a sudden brainwave. He conjured a mirror behind the DEs, it wasn't vary big as conjuring wasn't one of his prize subjects but it was good sufficient enough.

He aimed at the mirror behind the unaware death eaters and concentrated as hard as he could, yelled, "STUPIFY!" "STUPIFY!" they bounced off Harry's mirror and hit the death eats two per spell, they all slumped to the floor amongst the wreckage of burnt and destroyed passageway.

Harry leaned against the wall, his head feeling vary light and vertigo stole over him. He looked over at the others, Ron was panting and wiping sweat from his forehead. Hermione was straitening her skirt and walking past them breathing hard over to the death eaters, she put an invisible binding curse on them.

"Nice stunner, Harry, didn't think of reflecting a curse from behind." Ron said as the Mirror fell from its spot in the air and shattered.

"Thanks." Harry said looking at the Death Eaters darkly. Finally looked around to last of them, Malfoy was looking from one to the other as if they were all crazy/

"What's the matter Malfoy?" Ron was now grinning importantly.

"Your all...you...your acting like it nothing but a difficult test that you past!" Malfoy looking as though he just discovered magic, with a look of awe and disbelief. It quickly vanished and he shook his head. He looked at Harry with raised eyebrows.

"Im not sure if you know this," he said, "but Halloween's over."

"No, it hasn't even started."

"Your nuts, I don't care what the prophet says now, I still think your nuts." He left there compartment for his own down the train.

"I wonder how there doing out there?" Ron said ignoring the many heads sticking out of there compartments looking at them standing over the fallen death eaters.

"Hopefully even better than us." Hermione said, "the out side battle was probably just a distraction so they could get in here."

"Speak the obvious Hermione." Ron looked away from her glare and said quickly to Harry, "Do you think they were after you?"

"I dunno, lets ask what they wanted." He pointed his wand the closest said the incantation and the stunned death eater's eyes shot open, he struggled but stopped when he saw Harry kneel down before him with his wand hovering inches from his nose.

"What do you want?" the death eater said, eyes crossed as he watched Harry's wand tip.

"To ask you that same question. Well?"

"Do you think I would tell you?" he spat.

"Oh I think you will." and Harry muttered a curse. The death eater howled,

"Get it off! Ok! OK!" Harry put out the fire that had erupted from his shoe. "We were here to get you!"

"Why?" the death eater merely spit at Harry, who set the death eater's pants afire.

"No matter what you do to me, the dark aaaaahhhh," pants "lord will do it fifty times worse if I ooowwww tell you!" the fire was already at his knee. Harry put it out.

"Fuck you." Harry stood after collecting the four death eaters wands with a quick summoning charm.

"So this is the great Harry Potter? The one my master almost fears? It looks like he's afraid of you taking over! Then..." he broke off as if he'd said to much.

"Stupify." the death eaters head fell forward onto his chest. "Im starting to get tired of Voldemort's little hench men."

The screams had of people watching the fight outside turned to cheers and cries of, "We did it!" and, "Look! Dumbledor's coming aboard!" this was true, still in the passage the three Griffendor's could see Dumbledor and several order members climb into the passage. Wands raised they looked around finally spotting the disaster at the end of the train they made there way down, some of the order were hanging back and others were checking each compartment to check to see if anyone's been hurt.

"Dear me!" McGonagal exclaimed from behind Dumbledor.

"What happened here?" Dumbledor said while, to Harry's amusement, he fixed the corridor that they had literally blown to bits.

"Four death eaters came and we, Harry, Ron, Malfoy and I, waited until they got just out side our compartment and Harry blew down the door after telling us to shoot any spell that came to mind, so the whole corridor was nothing but light, the death eaters weren't given time to fight back mostly and had put up a shield. Harry conjured a mirror behind them and stunned them by reflecting the spell from behind."

"Draco Malfoy was with you?"

"He came into our compartment after the death eaters came onto the train, he helped us. He said he wanted to see what was so special about Harry so he thought Harry would some how do something amazing and he didn't want to miss it this time."

"Wasn't disappointed was he?" Ron joked.

"It was just quick thinking." Harry retorted.

"Stop being so modest."

"You stop being so melodramatic." Silence concluded only to be broken by Dumbledor, for whom upon a glance at his pocket watch, deduced it was time to set the train off again.

"The train will be off in a few, though I must first revive our dear conductor." And he, followed by the throng of order members, departed with a swift farewell. The many heads that stuck out of varius compartments withdrew to let them pas before gazing back down Harry and the other's direction. McGonagal stayed behind to bestow fifty points to Gyrffendor and Slytherin and magically carry away the four death eaters, still unconscious.

Harry, Ron and Hermione sat the rest of the journey in their repaired compartment. Ron and Hermione talked endlessly about what just happened and what it could mean. Harry, however had no will to partake in this conversation, instead taking console in his AFI album. Though much to his distress, the darker and closer the train got the school the more his walkman skipped until it refused to play no longer.

They slipped into their robes, and despite Hermione's suggestion to remove his piercing's so McGonagal wouldn't swoop down on him at the feast and take back the points she just awarded them, he refused.

The train came to a stop in the blackness of station. Ron and Hermione were to check all compartments as was part of there prefect duties. Harry went a head and found a carriage with Neville, whom he wasn't whether or not to forgive about sending a letter to Lupin after promising not to tell that he was surviving on the streets. So he ignored him and sat next to Luna who had climbed in after Harry. She gazed at him with her round queer eyes.

"When did you get though's?" She said.

"Iv had quite a few for ages, these are from this summer." he indicated to one on his lip and his second one threw his right eyebrow.

"Why haven't I seen them before?" Neville blurted and blushed. "You do know Im really sorry, about the letter I mean, what would you have done?"

"McGonagal insisted in hiding them with a disillusionment charm so that people don't think iv gone over to ol'Voldies side or a menace to society." he looked out the window, ignoring Neville's last part but the tension in the carriage seemed to die as Harry relaxed towards his friend. Neville appeared to accept this as he talked with out blush or cringe to Harry.

"Then McGonagal'll throw a fit when she see's you."

"Let her." Harry's face darkened at the prospect of anyone seeing him. The news of Harry, Ron and Hermione's (nobody else had noticed Malfoy) defeat of the death eaters would be spread to the few students who hadn't seen the aftermath of the fight. Harry's fringe covered his eyes and he bowed his head in hope he wouldn't noticed as he walked through the front doors along with the rest of school. People stared and pointed and whispered from all sides even with his improvised disguise. He shook his fringe so he could hardly see behind the dark curtain of hair hiding his eyes, but he didn't mind. He found a seat and saved the spots on either side of him for Ron and Hermione.

What he wouldn't do to just go up to bed. 'Why not?' He thought, 'It's not a rule to attend the start of year feast just as it's not rule to any other feast.' he decided to wait until Dumbledor had made his speeches and the first years were sorted and then he'd make his leave.

Ron and Hermione entered minutes later and soon the first years were brought through the entrance hall until they were grouped before the ratty, old sorting hat and three legged stool beneath the enchanted ceiling above.

The hat sung a vary similar tune to the one of the previous year, telling all to unite despite differences in these dark times or whatever, Harry wasn't paying attention. He was thinking about BJ and Alex, for whom he left to figure out his disappearance for themselves, as the news papers would have put something in about a suicidal drunk and the disappearance of Harry. Dev would know where he was by now, he would send her a letter addressed to the tree of them, Dev could explain if she wanted, it didn't make much difference as he may never see them again.

"_Harry_" Hermione hissed in his ear indicating the high table where Dumbledor now stood looking about at his many pupils for silence. Harry didn't listen to his speech, it would be the same as ever except he'll talk about the precautions the school now had to take into account due to the return of the dark (bastard) lord; Voldemort. When he finally finished he invited every one to their meals, this was Harry's cue. He stood as everyone became to preoccupied to care whether or not one of their number slipped away.

"Im not hungry, im going up to the dorms." Harry muttered to Rom and Hermione.

"Are you alright?" worried.

"Im just tired, haven't been sleeping well." not one word of a lie. He left before Hermione could say anymore words of anxiety though first getting the new password from Ron.

With luck he hadn't experienced in months, he made it to the common room with out meeting even a ghost. He climbed the stairs to the sixth year boy's dorm. The second he entered the dorm he walked quickly to his bed throwing himself on it and laying still with out movement. He lay like that for a few minutes before mustering the energy to role over onto his back. Still as anything, and staring stonily at the ceiling he thought of nothing if he could help it. The other boys would be in here soon, so he dragged himself from the surface of his bed and into the shower.

When he finished he climbed onto his bed, laying fully clothed in his muggle attire with the drapes pulled shut so he couldn't be seen by the other boys laying there staring to canopy above his bed.

_AN: Well Iv come to a decision on the snape thing, and im sorry to disappoint most of you but like I said, if one of you said you didn't like the idea of a sev thing then I wouldn't do it, and only one of you said you didn't so I wont, BUT I have something just as good, im going to a...LOOK A DISTRACTION! _

_**I know my spelling still sucks! Some of you were shocked when you found out I was only fourteen so I'll use that as the most pathetic excuse ever for it. Yes I am playing the blame game! **_

_Anywho, hope you liked. I almost have two hundred reviews, I feel so loved! Hehe._

Please review because if you don't I will send bob after you! _(Bob is the little voice inside my head _(Feel his wrath!)

-Nikki


	15. Lady

The night seemed to drag on, longer then any other he'd ever experienced in his life. Painfully long even. He checked his watch every now and then hoping it would be closer five o'clock when the sun rose, but it was still barely three. He tried desperately to fall asleep, he took his pants off and climbed under the covers, rolled over on to his side and shut his eyes. Remembering to breath calmly he tried this for half an hour. Rolling to one side, then to the next, he was on his back when he decided this just wasn't going to work.

He flipped the covers over him and pulled his pants back on. He quietly slipped from the room in his socks. The common room was still and dark, the only light came form the three quarter moon hanging over the trees of the forbidden forest. The silver light travelled up the wall as the hours grew on, Harry watched in a sort of stupor for it to be replaced with nothing but sheer darkness as the moon would be behind the mountain soon. It did, and the room was no longer filled with silver. Harry wished he could just stay here forever, sit in a dark room and never have to see anyone or never let anyone see him again.

He also thought about his plans for next summer, he'd buy an apartment in London. He'd hang out at coffee houses bent low over a pile of paper drawing, he'd look up at the most interesting person, be it that they were sitting alone with a laptop and writing or just sitting and sipping like there life depended on it, having one cup after another. Harry would draw it all. He'd try to make a living out of it. Maybe start his own body art shop below his apartment. Hire people to work for him once he'd made enough money. The best part about all of this is that all the people he was around would have no idea who he was and what he had done, not that many people knew _who _he is anyway, just what he'd done and still people's intelligence on the subject was little.

This year he would stop acting, he would stop acting the happy hero. Let people judge him for who really is.

Oh how Harry wished he could do that.

The sky out side the window had turned a lighter colour of blue, he stood and went over ti the window. He sat right on the sill, hanging one foot hundreds of feet off the ground. The other was resting on the table below where he sat. the sun rose on the other side of the castle so all Harry could see was the brightening of the sky.

He heard a noise and a gasp behind him, he turned his head quickly to see two fourth-year girls looking at him. He jumped down from where he was sitting, and quickly making his way to the bottom of the dorm stairs, blushing from embarrassment all the way.

"What were you doing over there?" One of the girls had spoken in a light playful tone as if she didn't care what his answer was, she just cared about the fact that she may be able to carry out a conversation with the famous Harry Potter!

Give me a break! Harry thought, but answered. "Watching the sunrise."

"That sounds so romantic!" the girl who had spoken stepped forward, she had short blond hair that flipped out at the bottom and blue eyes that seemed to sparkle strangely. "Anyway too business, hello, my name is Kathryn, but every one calls me Kat, Im the president of the Harry Potter fan club and I'd be honoured if I could ask you a few questions."

"I don't think so." but before Harry could leave, the other girl, reading form a clip board that she had under her arm, started speaking.

"Question one: where do you live?" she looked up at Harry with a quill poised over the page.

"Under your bed."

"Question two: what is your middle name?

"Fear." the girl seem oblivious to his sarcasm and wrote it down

"Question three: what's you favourite band.

"Cradle of Filth."

"Question four: do you love anyone?

"Yes." A big fat lie, but the reaction was quite lovely, Harry thought.

"Oh who? I bet its that Granger girl!"

"No it Ginny Weasley! Can you imagine? Harry Potter dating his best friend's sister! Is that who it is Harry?"

"Nope, your both wrong." Harry was thinking about what would happen if he lied and side he was gay, he'd love to see there reactions but the whole school would know by lunch and he didn't want to deal with it especially a lie as big as that.

"Oh tell us please. What house is she in? Does she know you love her?"

"She doesn't go to this school, and im not telling. Goodbye." he sprung up the stairs ignoring the girls, _"Stop! Were not finished!" _

He climbed into bed so when the other boys woke they wouldn't know he was awake all night. He layed down wishing those girls death. Well if they approached him again he wouldn't humour them next time, he'd scream his head off at them if he had to, anything to never be bothered again with shit like that. Screaming at them would pretty funny actually, blow up and go nuts. What if he where to start guitar again? He could probably get one somewhere, second hand that nobody wanted, he'd ask around, then he could teach him self the electric guitar and then start a death metal band just for the hall of it. Just start playing in the middle of the grounds, they'd think he was some dark wizard, they'd all be terrified of him.

He stopped thinking about all of that, as he was staring to scare himself, though the guitar part didn't seem scary, he could play it at muggle school, he could remind himself how to play, it couldn't to hard. His thoughts were interrupted by Ron and Neville who were changing from there pajamas into there school robes.

Ron threw his pillow at Harry who had his hidden under his own pillow. "WakieWakie time!"

"Ok, ok!" Harry said snatching his own pillow and hurtled it back at Ron. Harry got up and slipped into his own school robes and fought for a spot at the bathroom sink to brush his teeth, flatten his hair (like that'll work) and put his piercing's back in.

Harry, Ron and Hermione, who they met in the common room, joined the Griffendor ques heading down to the Great Hall.

"Harry did you sleep at all?" Hermione said examining his face, which had dark circles under his eyes and he was as pale as ever. Harry shrugged in answer. "When is the last time you slept?" Harry shrugged again "I think...

"I think Mr. Potter must go and see Madam Pomfry after classes today to get something for insomnia." They turned to see McGonagal standing behind them holding three timetables in one hand and a large pile of them in the other. She'd heard Harry wasn't sleeping. Dammit!

"Im not an insomniac!" Harry tried to argue.

"I don't care, you look like you could use some sleep, Poppy will fix you up and about those _things_ in your face..." she looked up at Dumbledor who Harry saw was watching and shaking his head at McGonagal. "Well never mind." She placed their timetables before them and walked briskly way, and Harry now in a bad mood, refused to look at it. His Hair fell over his eyes as he bent his head to hind from the looks he was getting all across the hall from varius students trying to get a good look at him.

"We've got Herboligy first." Ron said, noticing Harry's disinterest towards his timetable. So when the bell rang the three of them started off over the grounds towards the greenhouses.

By the end of class they were covered in soil and a few people were sporting cuts on their hands and face. They had been ordered to plant Dragon Flower, the seeds had a tendency to blow up when handed to roughly Ron, who was Harry's partner, managed to blow up a whole row of seeds. He and Harry had been able to plant fifteen seeds without blowing up any up, Ron blew up the last one when he dropped it into the soil to hard and it set off their other seeds. And Hermione who tripped blow up a whole package in her hand, she had to be rushed off to Madam Pomfry and was late for Defence against the dark arts.

Harry and Ron walked in to the defence against the dark arts class still chatting over the disaster Herboligy had been. Harry who hadn't noticed the new teacher at dinner as he was in a hurry to leave the night before, noticed her now. She was young, the bangs of her long brown hair were pulled back and tied in the back by a small, tight bun.

She smiled at the class as she stood from her desk waiting for them to be seated before she spoke. "Did you enjoy your first class? As you know from Professor Dumbledor's introduction, I do not go by _Professor _Lady, just call me Lady." she smiled as she made a curtsy sweeping her emerald robs across the ground so gracefully that it made some of the girls gasp in awe.

This class was a little more successful than Herboligy had been, Lady had them do a review that took up most of the class, doing a few important spells from each of their past years. She seemed satisfied with them abd praising where praise was rightly deserved and helping where it was required. She had a smile that never seemed to falter and a grace that was other worldly.

Harry noticed Hermione frowning at Lady when ever she was turned around. Harry had learned to heed Hermione's weird feelings. "What's wrong with this one?" Harry asked her when they left for lunch.

"Hmm? I don't know, I need to go to the library." That was last time Harry saw her until later that night.

"Where'd Hermione go?" Ron asked looking about the table to see if she was sitting with his Ginny a little ways down the table.

"She's at the library, there something up with Lady she reckons."

Ron choked over his goblet and spluttered "With Lady? How could there be anything _wrong_ with her"

"I dunno."

McGonagal made Harry stay back after class to write him a note to give to Madam Pomfrey.

"You are you go there straight away, I'll know if you don't." she warned and Harry set off towards the hospital wing like she declared he should.

"Oh its you is it?" Madam Pomfrey said as he stepped into her office at the end of the rows of beds. He handed her the note which upon reading she hurried over to her cabinet and extracted a normal battle of muggle sleeping pills.

"I don't give out sleep potions to children to use nightly, muggle pills work fine on teenagers, I just fixed them up a bit so there a _bit more_ effective." She said pushing a bottle at Harry. "Take one, and _only _one, when your ready for bed every night, the bottle will refill its self if you need to take it longer than the two weeks worth that's inside. If after a month you still can't sleep with out those come see me and we'll figure something out. Now off with you." She ushered Harry from her office.

He pocketed the pills and headed for the Griffendor common room.

"Harry!" he turned to see Hermione hurrying to catch up with him. He noticed her expression of triumph and guessed she figured out she was right about Lady after all.

"So?" he asked.

"She's and elf."

_AN: so can you guess where im going yet? No it has nothing to do with Lady, I just needed a DADA teacher and found her interesting to write, there's nothing to special about her where the plots concerned. But the other parts can you guess what's gunna happen?_

_And FINE! I'll make it a sevvy thing since im literally_ _being attacked to do it, but it'll happen gradually and suddenly BAM! Sev understands what he never did. Or something like that, but I have it all figured out, so now I have a fixed plot, finally eh? Hehe._

_-Nikki_

Iv decided to answer a few comments, if I didn't comment back to yours please don't feel discouraged, I only have time for questions and such, if you had a question and I didn't answer you that's because I answered it already in someone else's thingy.

seastones88: I guess you didn't get my e-mail, I sent one saying I would love for you to read over my chapters for the spelling, do you think you could read over the next one once im done it? That would be great if you could!

Misfit2008: Unfortunately bob is not a squirrel, but I believe he once married a squirrel, but in the end he ate her. Her name was Mr. Nuts and she liked to eat pumpkin pie until bob ate her. It was vary sad.

Anyway, thanks for the comment, I pity the person who said I shouldn't do a sevvy, but oh well, one less Sev hater in the world! Maybe bob should eat that person...hmmmm...?

Fanfictionfreak: I said that Ron gave him the password, you must've missed it, oh well! Thanks for commenting!

ShadowedRains: after this chapter the spelling should get better since some offered to fix it, but since I haven't gotten an e-mail back yet, Im posting this in hopes that by the next time i finish a chapter I'll have contact. Anyway, that was lame and mono sounding wasn't it? Thanks for the comment!

Bubblegumb1: true, i agree so I'll go ahead and do a SEVVY! thanks for the comment!

applebottoms: _'Bob stop sniffing Mains de Sang's butt!' _Sorry! He's never met another muse before and he gets a little excited around the laddies, Im afraid he might eat them. Hehe! Thanks for the comment!

REVIEW!


	16. bottled sleep, bottled death

"An _elf_? A _real elf_?" Ron was shocked when he heard the news later in the common room. "There really rare now, they don't like humans vary much since the war."

"War?" Harry asked over his drawing he had been working on for the better part of the last half hour.

"It was a really long time ago, there was a war between human and elf, the humans won, that's the vary start of house elves. We enslaved the ones we caught and they evolved over the many, _many _years to the poor little things we know today." Hermione said sadly and added, "Of course I don't blame elves for hating humans after what we did to so many of them."

"Then why is Lady here?" Ron said.

"Well it was a long time ago, maybe she's forgiven us?"

"Maybe, I bet Dumbledor has a big part in her having forgiven us, I wonder how many more have done so too." Harry said erasing a large part of his dragons wing in annoyance before crumbling it and throwing into the fire.

"What did you do that for! It was really good!" Hermione looked shocked.

"No it wasn't." Harry said taking another blank sheet and trying again.

They were in the common room still even though most people had left for bed. Harry was creating and elaborately detailed drawing of a girl laying on a large tome stone in a cemetery, roses (he likes roses) and vines snaking round the base of the stone. An old willow tree was drawn over the girl and its branches fell around her.

Hermione was reading by the fire and Ron still hadn't finished his homework, hence the reason they were still up. The portrait hole opened and Harry looked up to see Professor McGonagal climb through.

She spotted Harry, "Oh good your still up. Potter I need you to come with me immediately." She turned and left after motioning for him to follow.

"Oh joy." he muttered.

"We'll wait up."

She didn't lead him to her office like he had expected, instead they walked past her corridor and up a flight of stairs. Dumbledor's office wasn't far from now and the feeling you get when your called to a teacher's office increased tenfold.

_What's happened? _He wondered as he followed McGonagal up the rotating staircase and through the door. He didn't seem to be in trouble, he could tell by the sympathetic glances McGonagal was shooting him every now and then.

Dumbledor was sitting behind his desk looking quite disturbed. McGonagal motioned for Harry to take a seat. It was then that he noticed the girl in the chair next to the one McGonagal had signalled to. It was Lucy, Lupin's niece, she was crying into the neck of the doll she brought with every where.

_Oh no! _

"Evening Harry, by the look on your face it seems to be that you've guess the overall meaning of this meeting." Dumbledor said observing Harry over his half-moon spectacles.

"You mean to say...?" Harry stared desperately at Dumbledor, hoping to god he had come up with the wrong conclusion.

"Remus Lupin's home was found in ruin with the dark mark above it, Harry. Remus is dead. Im sorry Harry." He stopped and looked towards the little form in her little black frock, and sighed. "We'll leave the two of you alone for a few minutes." and he stood walking over to the door and holding it open for McGonagal to go through first. The door closed behind them, Harry felt panic suddenly well up in his chest and he whipped around to look at the closed door, his hand went to his hair, he griped the front of it as if it were a life line.

_Lupin's dead. Lupin's dead. Lupin's dead. Lupin's dead. Lupin's dead. _It kept running through his numb mind over and over. _Lupin was fucking killed in his home. Mom. Dad. Sirius. Lupin. Uncle, aunt and cousin. Dead, dead DEAD!_

He stood and started pacing. Lucy was watching him fearfully as he put his hand on the back of the chair he was sitting in before.

"Not again! This can't be fucking happening! What is wrong with me!" he sank to his knees still holding the back of his chair, he buried his head in his arms. _Ohmygodohmygodohmygod, OH MY GOD! _

He heard pounding feet and then he felt Lucy fly at him. Knocking him to the gound, her small arms were around his neck and a tinny face was against his chest crying. He used this as a good excuse to distract himself. He sat up, with Lucy in his lap crying her eyes out. Muttering to himself, he said, "Oh come on Lupin, two children have come to you over the summer because of dead family and you go ahead and_ die_ on us!" he didn't know why he felt angry, was he angry at Lupin? No. He was angry at the ones who killed him.

He remembered how he felt when Sirius died, the feeling that of an empty hole had just erupted in his chest, he felt now like another had clasped in on him. It was now that Dumbledor and McGonagal came in, they froze. They saw Harry and Lucy on the floor, Lucy was crying into Harry's neck and Harry was still muttering angrily to himself his head bowed, both seemed unaware to the Professor's reentry.

McGonagal walked quietly to the pair on the floor and knelt down on the floor behind them and placed a hand on Harry's shoulder. He looked around at her, just realising she was there.

"Why does this always Happen to me?"

**:xXx:meanwhile:**

Ron and Hermione sat in McGonagal's office. She and Dumbledor had asked that they wait there, for they have terrible news, they did not doubt that they were telling Harry what ever it was right now. It was about an excruciatingly long half hour later that McGonagal came back in looking warn.

"Mr. Weasley, Miss. Granger." Greeted as she sat down behind her desk.

"Where's Harry and what's wrong?"

"Harry had to be brought to the Hospital wing for a calming potion and rest. He's quite a wreck and put up a bit of a fight. I didn't know he had an ounce of foul mouth in him..." she broke off. "Are you ready to be told what I told Mr. Potter?"

They nodded looking scared.

"Remus Lupin was found dead in his home which was left in ruins after a death eater attack, the dark mark was left at around ten thirty this night." she fell silent, no one spoke, no one moved, no one breathed.

**xXx**

With the next morning came visitors; his teachers and his two closest friends. He had refused to talk about it to any of then. It was hardly seven o'clock and he'd already been in a screaming match with McGonagal, made Hermione cry even more, made Pomfry lock herself in her office because he had told her to fuck off and go to hell. Professor Dumbledor was called to talk to him about behaviour twice before and he was next Harry for a third time right now.

"Harry, this is not the way to make it go away, by making everyone else feel bad wont undo what happened!" he said exasperated.

"No it wont, but it makes me feel great." he glared at Dumbledor as he said that.

"Harry," a little more sternly now, "I don't want to have to remove you from the school, but if you don't get a hold on your self I may have to."

"And where would I go? I don't have a home, I don't have anyone!"

"Oh yes you have a home you just wont like it. Grimald place is rightfully yours as you know."

"You wouldn't make me go there!"

"I would."

After that conversation Harry quieted down, he not only refused to talk about Lupin, but he refused to talk at all. Harry felt completely lost, Dumbledor is telling him to behave or he'd send him to Sirius's old house. Harry was just to warn, he didn't care about the whole damn wizarding wold anymore, it could kiss his ass goodbye! After they let him out of this place he was going...he was going...he didn't know where to go, or what to do. Was he stuck here? Did he have enough money for an apartment? How long would that take, he'd have to get a job too. Where would he go in the mean time, would he be able to survive on the streets again? No.

Dumbledor had made each teacher in turn come and see if they could get anything out of him, but each time they doubted Harry even knew they were there and left the hospital wing discouraged.

Snape's turn was the last, every teacher who knew Harry had already see him and now it was Snape's turn to see the brat. He'd been told the brat just lay on his back staring at the ceiling, not acknowledging anything or anyone.

Snape pushed the double doors open silently and swept in. He didn't find what the rest of the teachers had seen, Potter wasn't laying on his back silently. He was instead, turned away from Snape on his side, the boy's back shook and Snap could hear sobs coming form Harry Potter. He had froze, what was he supposed to do with an out of control teenager! Potter was fully dressed laying on top of the sheets, he even had his shoes on.

_Don't you know how rude that is? _He thought, it was the only thing he could think about. The famous Harry Potter, son of his arch enemy was crying, decked out in the blackest clothing he'd ever seen on a student, he was even surprised to see a tattoo on the boys wrist that stuck out of his long sleeved muggle shirt, and all he could think of was it was how rude it is to where shoes in someone else's bed? Christ!

"What are you talking about!" he jumped. Had he spoken out loud? He hadn't even noticed that the boy had stopped crying and was glaring at him through watery, red eyes. "What's rude?"

"Never you mind Potter. What is the meaning of this? I find you sobbing like a child!" Anger was the only emotion he trusted in a circumstance like this.

"What do you care!"

What was he supposed to answer? The truth would telling him, he didn't care but Dumbledor did and that's why he's here. Or Snape could say, something sappy like; Its his job to care as one of his teachers.

"See? You don't."

"Maybe so, but im curious as to why your sitting here doing nothing and feeling sorry for yourself." he received a death glare.

"Do nothing?" was all he said.

"Well you can't honestly think your doing anything by shunning every one like a spoiled child who didn't get his way."

"What's there to do! I can't do_ anything_! I don't get to do anything I want!"

"You insolent...you..! Of course you don't get to everything you want, that's life Potter live with it, people aren't..."

"You don't get it do you? I don't have any choices, and I never had any. Im being treated like a bloody puppet. I have to be good or some else will have to deal with me. Be a good dog and do as im told or they'll send me away." the bitterness in his voice made it hard for Snape to not understand what he felt. Ok so the boy feels totally out of control, maybe he's not an out of control teenager, it's the other way around around, he feels people are _controlling _him. Snape gazed at the now still form of Potter. The boy had rolled back onto his side and refused to move, so Snape left.

**xXx**

With in the next week, Harry was talking to a select number of people again, he didn't shout at the teachers anymore and he had cooled down around Ron and Hermione. He still felt like shit, but at least Lucy was aloud to see him now (Dumbledor wouldn't let her near him when he was still in his other state). They let him leave the hospital the following Thursday, but was excused from classes. He spent all of his time in the dorm, Lucy was with him most of the day, and was staying in Hermione's dorm.

Today how ever he sat alone on his bed, the curtains pull shut. He was thinking about every thing he had said to Snape the week before. How he was completely out of control of his life. What the hell had happened to ensure himself as a puppet? He wanted to go back to how it used to be, before the Dursley's had died. He didn't like them, and they down right hated him, but they left him alone most of the time.

He lay back down on his pillow. Maybe it was time to send Alex and BJ a letter. He fell asleep sometime later thinking about his past life away from Hogwarts.

_The hallway of number four Privet drive_ _was dark and motionless._

"_What am I doing here?" he said aloud to himself. The switch to the hall light wouldn't work so he looked for his wand, he didn't have it. He began walking in the direction of the kitchen, strangely it was the only door in the whole hall and it seemed a lot farther away than he remembered. He kept walking and didn't get any closer, instead the farther he walked the further away the door seemed to become. He began to run, faster and faster until he was at a flat out run. His foot caught on something and he went crashing to the ground._ _He whipped around and saw someone with a gun laying loosely in one hand. On the walls was the blood of the fallen figure he'd tripped over. Harry got closer and realized who it was..._

"Whoa!" Harry's eyes snapped open and he sat up quickly. He felt a sudden feeling in the pit of his stomach and rushed to the bathroom to rid him self of it. When he had finished puking his guts out, he pulled the toilet seat down and sat on it, his elbows on his knees and his hands over his face.

_It was Uncle Vernon who shot himself so why was it Lupin lying dead in my dream? _He didn't want to think about his dream anymore so looked up at the ceiling and then at the wall, trying to find anything to distract himself. Nothing seemed to cut it so he just sat trying to quiet his thoughts in numerous attempts. One way he tried to think of Quiddich trials that were starting tomorrow. They'd have to replace most of the team since most were gone...gone...like Lupin but you can't simply replace him, or Sirius. He stood pacing for a while before, he caught him self in the mirror and leaned his hands against the sides of the porcelain sink placed just below the mirror. He looked past his reflection, looking at the mirror itself. He opened it opened and took out the bottle of sleeping pills and turned toward the door.

_Im staking another nightmare by going to sleep..._he put them back, as he changed his mind and walked form the room.

He had a sneaking suspicion that his bed was cursed, it seemed as hard as rock at times, this was one of them, he didn't think he could stand laying on it for the four hours until classes were over and he could distract himself from his endless stream of thoughts. They felt like poison to him, slowly killing him inside out like the venom of some spider. Again he fell asleep though this time, the haunting image of Lupin didn't come.

He was awoken sometime later by Ron shaking him.

"Food." was all he said as he waited for Harry to drag himself from the bed and to the door. "You'll get in shit for that." Ron said indicating the picture on Harry's shirt of a clown with bloody fangs and an inscription above it saying; Don't Fuck With The Clown

"Yes mother." He knew the look on McGonagal's face would be priceless but he didn't really want to cause trouble at the moment so took off the shirt, And probed through his clothing finding a black, long, sleeve button down shirt. He pulled it on, buttoning it up as he walked form the room. He put his wand in the back pocket of his black jeans.

"Cool necklace." Ron said looking at the small pendant that sat on Harry's chest, Harry didn't answer just did up the last bottons covering the pendant from view.

He wasn't hungry, and picked at his potatoes, his mind back on the nightmare he had earlier.

"Hello, earth to Harry!" Ron was waving his hand in front of Harry's face.

"What?"

"Hermione asked if you wanted any meat?" He said. Hermione held a plate out to him.

He gave it a look of disgust, "No thanks." He didn't think he could stomach eating a big chunk of gooey animal muscle right now. Hermione rolled her eyes but didn't say anything.

"Where's Lucy?" He said looking around? She usually sat with them at dinner.

"She didn't tell you? Dumbledor sent her to Grimald Place."

"What!" the people around him jump and looked wearily to him, inching away from his rage.

"You where asleep and she said she didn't want to wake you up, she was afraid you would be mad, so she told me to give you this." Hermione held out a folded piece of parchment to him. He took it and looked down, words had failed him, so he was silent as he unfolded it. It was a drawing, done by Lucy, it featured three people with arow's above each head with a name so he would know who was who even though it was easy to tell by the drawing. The first, and tallest, was Lupin, smiling and waving, he was done in brown, as he wore mostly all brown, next came Harry, black clothing like usual, was drawn and he too was smiling and waving, and Lucy was beside him, the smallest figure, again waving and smiling

Despite the sun in the drawing, water droplets littered the paper, it took him a moment to realise the droplets were his own addition to the drawing as silent tears rolled down his cheeks, onto the paper. He was sure that the black eyeliner he now wore daily, was running along with the tears. He wasn't sure if his friends could see him crying as his head was bent forward and his long bangs covered his face to his nose. He stop the water faucet and whipped his face on his sleeve.

"Im going to bed." He said quickly, standing and walking as fast as he could out of the Great Hall. Once he reached the corridor he broke into a sprint only to collide into someone coming around the corner. Harry and the other person were sent flying, before hitting the ground in various degrees of disarray.

Harry was on his feet in a flash, looking down at Malfoy who began to stand, testing a now sore ankle gingerly.

"What the Hell's you problem Potter?" He gave Harry a push, Harry pushed him back angrily, it had been quite awhile since he'd gotten into a fight, and he finds that fighting is the best way to blow steam, and he'd been fairly pissed off lately.

"At the moment, you're my problem."

"At the moment, you two are now in detention for Saturday evening." The greasy voice of Professor Snape came around the same corner Malfoy had come.

"I will be expecting the two of you in my office by eight o'clock Saturday, understand?" After a moment they nodded and he stalked off in the direction of the Great hall, followed by Malfoy moments later. Harry was now alone, standing in the corridor absolutely seething.

He picked up Lucy's drawing from its resting place against the wall, where he dropped it.

He set off to his former destination, reaching the portrait hole he gave the password and was soon back in the dorm room. He took a sleeping pill form the bottle in the bathroom and went to his bed. It wasn't long before he was, for the third time that day, asleep, the most he'd slept in months and months and all in one day.

The next time he opened his eyes was too the reassuring darkness of the boy's dorm room. Once again he'd dreamt, the same scenario as before, except this time, it was worse; In stead of just Lupin's body laying in his path, there were a great deal of them, a bloody body of every person he new or didn't (his parents for example) littered the everlasting length of the hall of number four Privit Drive. He was so tired and at the same time, so damn disturbed by what he'd seen, smelt, experienced within his head. Once again, he went to the bathroom to empty his stomach of what little supper he had hours ago. His watch read three o'clock a.m. in the morning, he knew sleep wouldn't return for him this night, despite the feeling of absolute exhaustion tugging at his eye lids. His whole mind felt heavy, and his thoughts turned off completely. He leaned heavily against the wall of the bathroom, before turning minutes later back to his bed.

A quarter to four in the morning, Harry rose from his bed of stone, that's what it felt like, and staggered back to the bathroom. He lay stupidly inside the bathtub hoping the cool sides of the tubs wall would lull him out of his misery, but he had no such luck, as his mind finally registered the absurdity of what he was trying to do and stood. The first thing to meet him once he stood was his reflection. What a wreck he had become, and he decided he could bear to look at himself so he popped the mirror open to reveal tooth brushes and other things of the like, but the thing that caught his attention were the sleeping pills. His mind went blank, totally, completely, he felt nothing, he thought nothing, all he new was his bottled sleep. He was so tired. He wanted to sleep more than anything else in the world.

Harry took the sleeping pills from the cabinet over the sink and popped one in his mouth. He felt so tired, why couldn't he sleep? He popped another without thinking. Maybe if I take enough, I'll never have to wake up. He thought, his sluggish mind wasn't thinking of Madam Pomfrey's warning until he'd swallowed five of them. Is this what suicide feels like? He thought downing another and another. He kept going until he was two dizzy to hold the bottle, it dropped from his slackened grip.

Ron, who's bed was closest to the bathroom, was awakened by a loud _thump_. He opened his eyes and saw the light of the bathroom was on and the door was open, a shadow of something extensive stretched across the floor. He got up and staggered to the bathroom rubbing his eyes from the pain of the sudden light. He gasp when he saw Harry on his side on the ground, he saw the bottle of sleeping pills laying next to him. He rushed over to it, picking it up, It was empty except for two pills inside. Only two pills left! It was full just a little while ago, he new because he curious about how muggle's managed to out themselves to sleep and had read the lable.

Running back into the dorm room, he shook Neville who was closest, awake.

"Whaz the matter with you?" he said groggily, he noticed Ron's pale urgent face.

"I need to get McGonagal, Harry's sick!"

"Again!"

"No its not like last time, he is actually sick! I need help!" and dashed from the room, out of the common room. He sprinted to Professor McGonagal's office as he didn't know where her sleeping quarters were and just hoped she was still awake.

He knocked and the door opened, "Mr. Weasley! What...?" She looked concerned, as the last time Ron was here a night, was because of Harry's vision the previous Christmas.

"It's Harry, he...he took all of the sleeping pills he was given...I don't know what happened but..."

"Get Professor Snape, and then get Madam Pomfrey. Make sure you get Severus first, and tell him what happened!" and he sprinted off to the dudgeons.

_Back in the bathroom..._

"What's wrong with him?" Shamus said crouching down next to Neville who was shaking Harry by the shoulders.

"I don't know!"

"Here look!" Dean grabbed the bottle from the sink where Ron had left it. "They're sleeping pills!" He read the lable out loud, "use to reduce sleeplessness; one tablet per night. Warning! If more then required number of tablets are ingested see Healer immediately!"

"Looks like he just downed the whole damn thing!" Dean said tipping it over, the last two pills fell into his had. He put the container with the remaining two pills back in it, on the sink again.

"What did he do that for? Was he trying to kill himself or something?" nobody answered for a moment.

"He's has been kinda depressed looking?" Neville said nervously trying not to judge the situation as Harry could be unpredictable at times and depression might not have anything to do with it, that's how Neville saw it anyway.

"Out of the way!" McGonagal and Snape stood at the door way. The three boys were hasty pushed from of the room.

"Here roll him over, so I can give him this! Hold him up!" Snape ordered. Once McGonagal had Harry under the arms Snape took a bottle of potion and dumped the contents down his throat. The effects were almost immediate, Harry tried to pull away, his hand on his lower gut. McGonagal directed Harry to the toilet bowl where he proceeded to dump the contents of his stomach.

While Harry, half conscious, tried to wave McGonagal away, she held him to support him other wise he'd be back on the floor. While this was happening Ron ran from the dorm room and hurried down the stairs to the into the common room, he saw a group of girls sitting in a circle giggling loudly, if Harry were there he's be able to point out the president of his fan club, but he wasn't.

"Hey! Could one of you get Hermione Granger from the sixth year dorm?" he begged them. Two of them stood realising Ron's panic and hurried up the stairs. A moment latter Hermione came down rubbing her eyes and looking around for him.

"Ron do you know what time it is?" Her eyes puffy from sleep glared at Ron through her mess of thick untamed hair.

"Hermione please just come with me!" he begged taking her by the hand and dragging her up the boys staircase, they stopped out side the door, the rest of the dorm had been kicked out of the room but told not to go anywhere and wait out side the dorm.

"Where's Harry?" Hermione was beginning to think something terribly wrong was going on and she feared the worst.

Ron just looked at her, not knowing what to say.

Meanwhile...

"Ok I think its safe bring him to Poppy now." McGonagal said relieved, once Harry pulled away from the toilet for the last time. Now that most of it was out of his system he felt well enough to move on his own and now sat with his back leaning against the wall and his arms wrapped around his lags, head buried in his arms and panting heavily.

"Come on Potter." McGonagal said conjuring a stretcher with a flick of her wand.

"I can walk." he climbed using the wall for support. His legs were shaking so badly he felt sure that they were going to claps beneath, he stood up right without the wall for a second but as soon as he was upright sharp pains pounded against the inside of his scull and he was leaning back against the wall. Again he let the wall go and pushed past Snape into the dorm room with determination.

"Can you wait here for a moment Potter." McGonagal said and opened the door and slipped out, closing it behind her. He could hear, "Weasley, Granger, go the Professor Dumbledor's office and tell him what's happened. He'll still be awake, the password is 'caramel', oh and as perfects send anyone still in the common room to bed and any one you see in the halls, clear us a path if you will."

"Yes Professor."

"Now the rest of you. I want you in my office strait away I'll be there in fifteen minutes, go now." She came back in to the dorm room, Harry was sitting on his bed, his hands supporting his head and gazing at the floor. Snape was standing silently, watching Harry from behind.

"Alright, come along."She said briskly asshe held the door for him and he walked through followed by Snape.

_AN: I can explain! Please don't hurt me! (Please ignore me, I don't what Im talking about.) Anyway, this took long because, of both its length and I thought I'd have to rewrite it, I wont tell you why though so don't ask. Not that you need to know my boring_ _tale anyway. Sorry Im going crazy here, a word for the wise to all of you looking to vacation, stay _far_ away from Brantford Ontario, who cares if it's the city where telephones were invented it is boring, stupid, full of assholes, not a fun place to live...grrrrrrr!_

_I promise to stop complaining now._

_I thank you all so greatly for putting up with this story, and loving it! _

emortis13: Damn strait! Hehe, thanks, glad you like!

Eowyn23: Well, there you go, you got more. Hehe, enjoy!

Tearful Joy: If I parish, you'll never get another chapter, so do you think you could just settle with gouging my eyes out instead? It would be much appreciated! Thank you vary much for reviewing!

RetardedMonkeys: Not the gerbil/cockroach! How could you say such a thing? Well by updating, I have now saved an innocent live, ahha! Blessed be to all! Umm...right...sorry...hehehe!

LindzFriend: That's cool, just changed my pen name too, obviously. I haven't been able to do much reading lately, but as soon as I post this Im gonna check your story, hehe, can't wait to see what happens! Laterz!

Hakkai - Gojyo - Goku - Sanzo: yuppers!

luvbug080688: Unfortunately, No. Its to late to change that, maybe in my next fic ill do a vamp thing...me wuv blood sucking demons!

jenstarfire: I am so sorry, im serious, im so totally sorry, but you're a bit out numbered here, Im so vary sorry, its not going to some fluffy thing where harry starts calling severus 'sev' it'll more mentor like, sorta, if that makes it any better..please don't leave me! -sniffsniff-

Missing Fairy: Thank you! flushes happily

Talons : Yup, an acoustic guitar for most then I'll move Harry into a bit of electric guitar, just something he does for a few extra bucks on a park bench or something, but he's for sure going to play regardless the plot...and yeah, the artists in France is where I got the idea, hehe, you know my secrets i must sic bob on you...run from bob before he gives you a wedgie!

HPfreakout: lol, thanks! Yeah, I couldn't resist a harry potter fan club. Vary scary.

seastones88: I know I said I would send thins to you, but my e-mail isn't working or something, it's just sending the file the unsent file folder thingy. Weird. Damn technology and it being so complicated for nothing!

applebottoms: Yeah me too, Lady's a pretty name unlike my name Nicole...god I hate it! What kind of name is Nicole? Honestly! Hehe, anyway, lots of love, moving on to my next victim.

misfit2008: -gasp- Foamy's my idol!  
Tips for muse care  
-hide under bed  
-(or closet)  
-don't forget to feed him lots of cookies  
-don't let it near socks  
-they like making sock puppets  
-scary ones, like voodoo...they bite  
-give it lots of love or they'll chainsaw you, believe me, it hurts. bob help me find my foot!  
Anyway! Hehe! Thanks, I hope this was an ok chappy, please review! By the way, good luck with muse..._you need it..._O.o... Bob- ;-)

Spiorad: just have to wait and see ah? Hehe, thanks for reviewing!

Few! That only took an hour and a half! Wow im being weird...

REVIEW!

-Nikki

_REVIEW! Or bob will eat you...he didn't get enough cookies for dinner and he will have your fingers if you don't review so i suggest you start typing!_


	17. ITS NOT TRUTH! its teen angst! yay!

**Truth  
**_Death is but the next great adventure._...Yeah right.

I wouldn't be staggering along the line dividing alive and dead if every thing he told me was truth...and yet, where did he lie? Its not a lie, but nor is it truth. When did it get to _this_? Did I live a lie? Or merely an untold truth? What's the difference? Im not dead, but nor am I alive.

These are the things that went on in Harry Potter's head while he lay on the floor of the bathroom after taking the sleeping pills. He wasn't conscious in a way you'd understand, but some will was connecting him to his mind stronger than it every had before.

Now on the bed in the hospital wing he lay.

_Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy!_? Why did he have to go and do something so stupid! Why didn't he die? Now he had nothing to look forward to but tension, awkwardness, unwanted attention, worry, pain, exhaustion, it went on and on and on, just thinking about it made him want to shut his weary eyes forever, to let out one last contented sigh and then feel nothing for the rest of eternity. But he knew he couldn't...he wanted to though.

Why would the man who wanted to kill him want to live forever? He'd only know hate until the muggles found a way to kill the planet. Does he not realise the world is sick and may never recover? Why would he want to stay after his time? How long until he finally finds a way to kill Harry? It's a miracle a child held out that long. He was bourn into a hell he wanted to escape, and he tried to the easy way. Does that make him a coward? Were people expecting him to be brave and march head first into a battle that was never his?  
_How could they do this to me!  
_Better him then them, that's why, that's what they think. He's not the coward, they are! They step on him when the going is good and when things get bad they expect him stand in front of them and take the heat.  
Fuck them all.  
The rest of the night was wasted on swear words he muttered under his breath, cursing every one and every thing individually.  
"Fuck Minister Fudge."  
"God Damn Dumbledor."  
"Go to hell Voldemort you mother fucker!"  
"Damn my friends."  
"Damn this school."  
"Damn those fuckers who people have been calling my family until the day they all died."  
Damn, fuck and I hate you, were his favourite and most commonly used words he said quietly to himself that night.  
Dawn came to meet the most bitter teen Hogwarts had ever seen. He had snuck up to his dormitory to get his clothing, he hated the hospital gowns, they were ugly and reminded him of sickness and smelled of hospital. He dressed to his hate today. Also before he left he grabbed his tattoo kit from his trunk.

He hated the smell of the hospital wing. He hated the way the windows were so high near the ceiling and he hated the way the sun was beginning to filter in through them, but it was here he resigned himself to.  
Sometimes anger can be triggered by anything and I dare say _anything_ was everywhere at the moment.

He flopped back on the bed and sitting near the pillows giving him room to lay his things out.

He was surprised that by lunch the only person he saw was Madam Pomfry whom he'd said not a word to. She said she'd be back later with lunch and to do a check up. Harry didn't share his opinion on the matter however. He'd finished his work and hour ago, now he just admired it as it layed out from his wrist to his elbow. His most wondrous piece yet. The details and colour were perfect, the image was just perfect.

The image seen in this author's head is to complicated to explain, you as the reader must imagine everything Harry thought, feel his anger, his hate and direct it into art work so beautiful and fearful until your pleased with how it feels.

He was shocked still when _Dumbledor_ had come to his side with the lunch Pomfry had promised earlier. And now shock was an understatement to say the least, when he saw the look of uncertainty when he opened his mouth and shut it again. Setting the tray beside Harry and moving away from the seat next to him that Harry though he was about to sit down in. Dumbledor stoped and looked back at him,

"Harry, I know you didn't mean to do what you did." He turned back nodding at Pomfry who he met at the door and wasn't seen again for at least twenty-four hours, by Harry anyway.

His visit left Harry feeling worn, like he'd reached the limit of anger and was run all out.

Later that day, Snape swept through holding a bulging bag that clanked away as he walked, and disappeared into the store room. When he reemerge he held only an empty leather bag. He gave Harry a quick glance, needing to take a double take at the boys arm for which he held up and was examining it with the critical slash affectionate way an artist would admire there own work. Of course Snape had no idea of the for once truthful rumours floating around about how Harry was a body artist, and put every hole in his face himself.

Snape knocked on Pomfry's door, his attention no longer on the boy.

"Come in!"

He stepped into the familiar office of the heath nurse to discuss there monthly medicinal plan.

"By the way, is he still out there looking at what he did to his arm?" she asked, suddenly agitated.

"When I saw him he was admiring his tattoo, but I don't know what you mean by what he had done to himself if that is what you meant."

"Of course that's what I meant. He worked all morning on it, I got up late at six thirty, there he was awake and dressed, working away on it. He hasn't stopped staring at it since, it just can't be healthy!"

Snape had stoped listening and was thinking about what she said before..._What he did to himself..._she doesn't mean that Potter did that? He needed to see it at a closer range.

"Well good day." He said briskly and turned from her closing the door behind him.

Yes Potter was still staring at it.

"What is that?" A stupid question, but what else was there to say?

"A tattoo." Harry looked up and Snape had to bite back a rude retort.

Gathering himself, he asked "Can I see?"

Harry held out his arm, the bottom of his wrist exposed, this was where it was most complicated. "Dear god." was what Snape muttered under his breath as he Harry turned his arm for him to see the rest of its beauty, its complication, its masterful intelligence.

"When?" He hadn't believed that Potter had done this before, and now that he'd seen the full content of it, he _knew_ it wasn't Potter who had done it.

"I did it this morning." Harry shrugged starting to feel uncomfortable.

"Hm." Snape straightened and gave the arm one last look before sweeping away.

**A/N: **

**Yes, yes, this is short. **

**I know my spelling sucks, so iv decide to make a rule, the next person to complain is automatically signing themselves up to be my new beta, in other words, if you don't like my spelling then do something about it yourself, because the only way Im going to reach your standards is by practising and since that's not good enough for any of you, you can go and check my fucking spelling yourselves! Well its that or I just delete all my stories and you'll never hear from me again...):glare:( **

**I'll probably delete this chapter eventually, it doesn't fit the story, but before I do anything Id like to hear your **_much valued opinions (but not the ones about my spelling ok?)_

**And any suggestions for the next chapter? Iv been thinking long term and im stuck on what to put between here and the post climax and there is a long way to go before then.**

**See ya loves!**

-Nikki


	18. IM ALIVE!

_**IM BACK! Im pleased with this chappy, so it worth reading I hope...  
-Nikki**_

_Damn. Im on Potter duty. _Snape cursed when he saw the boy follow his friends quietly into the dungeon class room.

Ever since he'd been discharged form the infirmary he was to be followed in secret and spied on until the boy when to sleep. If ever he was off by himself, one of the three teachers confided with the job of watching would be there every step of the way.

There wasa change in the boy, or so it seemed. When he was alone, the sudden light, sheepishness he was prone to disappeared completely. Even his clothing had made a slight change a lighter change, but it seemed more that Potter just wanted people off his back, and it seemed to work some what since he didn't eat alone except for Granger and Weasly any more, but groups of other Griffendors, Ravenclaws, Hufflepuffs and even Slytherins were at him at mealtimes. It turns out the boys of Potters dorm had let slip the reason he was hospitalised, a twisted version where Potter had fought and won against death eaters...Potter didn't seem to pleased with themtosay theleast.

It was Snape's first turn to stay with him so Snape decide not give any homework other wise we'd probably fall asleep watching Potter do it. But Snape intended to work him harder then usual and hopefully tire him out so that he would go to bed early and get Snape off the hook.

By the end of class Snape had insulted Potter mercilessly and had him work with Longbottom who could tire out anyone with the misfortune of working with him.

When the bell rang sometime latter, Snape swept into the smaller office connected to his classroom and pulled on the invisibility cloak Dumbledor had given him for the task of spying. Soon he was out in the corridor following Potter quietly he was a little behind his two friends and was glaringat there backs with narrow eyes, though when Ron turned to address Harry, he smiled then forced a yawned.

"Your quiet." Hermione inquired conversationally.

"Im just really tired, I didn't sleep to well last night." Harry hadn't slept at all. Not that he would tell them _that_ or the fact that he didn't sleep ever. Lately he realised that putting up a happy act worked on most people and he was surprised eto see his friends bought it.

"Maybe you should go to bed?" Hermione said.

_Im so manipulative..._"Yeah, see you." He turned around sweeping past Snap, Snape who continued to pursue the boy. Snape saw that as soon as Potter was out of sight from the other Griffendor's he stopped and looked back in there generaldirecting.

"_At least they're stupid."_ then he continued up a staircase.

Once they reached the Griffindor common room Potter pushed past a bunch of girls asking him his favourite colours and up a spiral staircase down a hall to the boys dorm. Snape barley had time to sneak into the room before the door was slammed closed by Potter.

He threw himself down on the bed and didn't move for a few minutes. Slowly Potter rolled over onto his back and sat up. Already bored, Snape was thinking about what he would do later after he was free from babysitting. Lazily, he watched Potter stand up and walk over to the trunk. The boy unlocked it with his wand and began digging through his things pulling things out and leaving them on the floor. Finally Potter seemed to find what he was looking for, he took the box in his hands over to his bed opened it and pulled from it a small machine that looked like a muggle artifact except for the small blue light that kept circling through the plastic. It was about a foot long, oval shaped with a circular thing that Potter pulled open at the top. Back at his trunk Potter pulled forth a small pocket that he unzipped and pulled outa disk about the same size as the opening in the artifact on the bed.

_What is he up too? Seems like he got his hands on Arthur Weasley's ruddy muggle _things. Snape thought to him self.

Potter inserted the disk and shut the top, he took his wand and tapped it seven times and said, "Im Alive by Disturbed."

Snape jumped by the sudden blast of sound of electric guitars and drums and other muggle instruments.

_  
Never again will I be desolate  
And never again will I be reminded  
We're living within the world of the jaded  
They...inspiration  
It's my obligation_

Snape was close enough toPotter to here him singing along with the song, Potters head swung from side to side as he matched the vocalist's harsh, defiant voice.

_To never again, allow this to happen  
Where do I begin?  
The choices are endless  
Denying the sin  
My art, my redemption  
I carry the torch of my fathers before me_

It went on like that, and during the chorus came Potter had a glint in his eye, for these lyrics were very close to his heart...

_To change myself, I'd rather die  
Lonely, we'll not understand  
I will make the greatest sacrifice  
You can't predict where the outcome lies  
_**You'll never take me alive!**

And at the end of the last verse, Potter cried out with such passion, almost in longing and realization, almost as if he were defying life its self, he cried,

"I'M ALIVE!"

Im alive

Im alive

Im alive

I'm alive  
I'm alive  
I'm alive  
I'm alive

When the song ended Harry started muttering, at first he thought Potter was talking to him but then he realized he was talking to himself.

"Alive, dead, what's the difference? I the felt most relaxed I did in forever when I lay half dead in the bathroom, _im so tired! _Why did they wake me? I hope they're happy; I dress like a dork and smile like a dip-shit, _fuck Im tired!_" He stood up miserably, and walked up to the window and sat on the sill after turning out the lights and placing a small candle on the sill before him.

"Iv gotta get out of here, iv got enough money to get an apartment so what am I waiting for?" His finger stared twitching and he looked back at his trunk, "No Im done with that, it'll only kill me."

Snape straightened, alert.

"Maybe one more...no, if start again I'll never be able to stop, DAMN THAT MAN! Its his fault I ever started...I'll kill Anthony if ever I see him again...stupid kid for ever asking if Iwanted one. STOP! Oh fuck it..." He went back to his trunk and searched for something else adding more to the mess. When he couldn'tfind ithe swore. "Now I need one more then ever..." He began looking through the mess on the floor. He sighed with relief when he found the pack of cigarettes under some clothing.

Snape wasn't sure weather to be relived or not. This was an unexpected turn of advents, they'd have to get him to quit or at least ban him from smoking within the school walls.

Harry put the smoke up to the candle for a few seconds and took a drag, sitting back on the sill, it tasted even worst then it smelled and tickled his throat when he exhaled but heexpertly ignored it as he became accustom to the feeling once again. He sighed with contentment.

Silently,Harry watched the stream of smoke drift away on the breeze. The sun was setting behind the mountains and the skywas clear and pink. An early star sat in its lonesome above him. Harry tucked his knees to him for warmth his left arm resting on his knee andpointed away from him, his half shrunk smokeheld between two fingers, his eyes scanned the forest idly for the better part of an hour.

_A/N: This is short but iv haven't done updated anything in a few months (this wont happen again I swear!) Im already failing two classes (DAMN SCIENCE AND DAMN GEOGRAPHY!) _

_Since its been so long, im not going to send this chapter to get fixed up since that'll take to long and im too lazy at the moment (hey, at least im honest)_

_Oh and by the way, I was being a bitch in the last chapter, I almost miss people telling me to fix up my spelling! Im not mad at any of you! I swear! _

_Please Help me get my reviews over three hundred! REVIEW! And if I get lots (since I know lots of you aren't reviewing!) I'll post another chapter before the weeks out, how about that? _

_Loves you!_

_Nikki _


	19. Sworm of Ravens

"I think I should probably tell you; Im leaving." Harry looked away from his friends so he wouldn't have to see there faces.

"What do you mean?" Hermione said from her place across the table. Harry heard Ron drop his fork.

"Im leaving. Iv been planing it for a while, though I finally decided Iv had enough, Im leaving."

"Where? Harry talk to us! Who are you? Your not the person we remember." Harry looked up to meet her eyes, then looked over at Ron who nodded glaring at Harry.

"You know, Im not sure any more. Come on lets go walk around the lake or something."

"Yeah."

Snape watched them leave the through the doors, following shortly after. Snape had to 'Potter-sit' three times a week and was steadily learning more about the boy then he had ever expected or wished to know. The boy was a mess in all sense of the word.

He figured it was about to get really interesting, he'd heard Potter muttering something about leaving a few times and now Snape can expect the details of his exodus.

He followed just close enough to hear what was being said.

"Harry, what's been going on with you?"

Potter sighed and stared up at the dark sky, his breath coming out in puffs and drifting away. "Picture this: Your sixteen, not hard right? We're all sixteen, but then add the fact that everybody knows your name and every one of those people expect something impossible from you by placing their very lives into your hands. All the while your still sixteen and trying to balance a life beyond the barrier of insanity, a sixteen year old who within his family alone has had to deal with two murders, a suicide and an accident that killed two of them. Then there are the people who I considered family, all murdered. All the while im still sixteen and trying to cope with myself as a war rages around my head!"

"We know." Hermione looked up at him tying to get his to look back at her.

"Do you?" He asked angrily. Nobody said anything. "Look, I just...I just have to get out, Iv got enough money for a cheap apartment some place in London, or maybe I'll go back to where I lived before where my parents and I lived all those years ago. I don't know nor care, maybe I'll wing it, get up one morning and march into the headmaster's office and declare a farewell and leave without knowing where I'll end up."

"What are you going to do about Voldemort? You're the only person with enough knowledge on Voldemort's weaknesses..."

"You don't think I know that? I wont leave thousands of people to their own pitiful defences, but when I destroy him Im gone from the public eye. No more of this, I want to live in a world all my own, I'll be an artist or a writer or something, maybe leave the country who knows?"

"What about us? Where do we stand in all this!" Ron demanded.

"Where ever you want."

After that conversation, Harry stayed out side wandering around the castle, cigarette in hand. After a while Harry climbed up the breast of a grassy hill and layed down. He lit another cigarette, and lay ignoring the cool breeze that swept his hair across his forehead.

Snape had just decided enough was enough, he'd take off the cloak and drag Potter right down to Dumbledor when the sound of voices reached them across the grass.

He watched Cho Chang and a group of her friends crest the hill and stop startled by Potter's presence.

"Harry?"

"Yeah?" He said rudely. Cho looked rather taken-a-back and disheartened but covered it up with an angry look.

"You know those things can kill you, right?" Cho said challengingly.

"Along with other things, yes." Harry rose up to the challenge.

"You would know."

"And what's that suppose to mean?" Harry standing up now, crossing his arms out of anger and for warmth.

"Don't think what you did to your self is a complete secret. I was in the hospital wing when they brought you in."

He took an extra long drag on his cigarette, disappointed that when he exhaled he wasn't close to enough to gag her."Stupid bitch." He stomped out the cigarette and walked away, pushing past her and her friends.

"Asshole!" she called down to him. He ignored it, knowing that she had every right.

So she knew that Harry had tried to off himself, that just gave him more incentive to leave. He had a vague idea of where he would go; first to see Lucie and see if she'd come with him, then go find BJ, Alix and Dev, maybe crash at one of their houses for a few nights, find an apartment at a cheap price that'll let him move in as soon as possible. It wasn't a fool proof plan since his friends might not want him butting into their personal lives, but Miss Figg would probably let him crash at her place if all else fails. But the big problem is getting people to allow him to take Lucie, if she wants to that is.

He found a tree out near the lake and climbed into it, he sat between two branches his legs tucked into his chest and his arms rapped around his knees. He sat their looking over the lake for how long he didn't know, but when he finally decided to get down and go back to the school it was hours later and he'd have to sneak up stairs to the tower.

When he reached the front doors he opened them slowly glad they weren't locked or he'd have to find his own way in. He slid through the crack and closed them as silently as he could, behind him. He looked up and stoped dead as he looked up to meet the flashing black eyes of Professor Snape.

"Oh shit."

"You can say that again. Im bringing you to the head master's office. Follow me." He swept Harry towards the staircase and through the corridors until he reached the gargoyle before the entranceway to the spiralling staircase to Dumbledor's office.

Up they went until the stairs shuttered into a motionless position and they stepped off. Snape knocked briskly on the oaken door. When no one answered he knocked again. They waited in silence until Snape turned to Harry.

"Stay here." and he went into the office shutting the door behind him. Harry waited leaning against a wall, he let out a stream of breath, disappointed with himself for getting caught.

"It turns out Head Master Dumbledor wont be returning until the early hours of this morning. Come with me to my office where we can have a little chat." Snape said ominously. Harry rolled his eyes' at Snape's back but followed never the less.

They passed deeper into the lower levels of the schools until they reached Snape's office. Snape unlocked the door and they filed inside.

"Sit down." Harry obliged with growing apprehension and annoyance.

"What are you doing out of bed at this hour?" Snape asked, tying to think of a way to get Harry to confess his smoking habit. Snape knew why the boy was out of bed, he needed some alone time.

"Lost track of time."

Snape opened his mouth to say something but he smelt something, and an opportunity was borne.

"Potter, empty your pockets." He watched Harry try and cover up a grimace. Slowly he put his hands inside the pockets of his long leather jacket. He dumped a few coins, a folded piece of paper, and a packet of matches.

"What's this?" Snape said picking the matches from the small pile.

"I like fire."

"And those?" Snape pointed at something poking from his pocket. Harry sighed and dumped the cigarette pack on the desk.

"And what, pry tell, are these?" Snape said with feigned ignorance.

Harry glared at him. "Cigarettes sir."

"And why do you have them in your possession?"

"Holding them for a friend." Snape suppressed a snarl. Score one Harry.

"And that's why you smell like an ashtray?"

"Yes."

"I see. And what will it take to get _your friend _to quit?" Snape said, tying to score his point back.

"Don't bother. He's tried before, he's hooked on them."

"Then tell _your friend_ he has detention for a week starting tomorrow and that he is not to smoke inside the school walls or around other students. And fifty points will be taken for being out of bed and I will alert the head master of your bad habits. Now go."

Grudgingly, Harry stood and stepped to the door but turned back to Snape, "Can I have those back?" He said indicating to the cigarettes on the desk.

"Normally I wouldn't, but I'll trust you to do as I ask." He tossed them to Harry who quickly left for the Gryffindor dorm. It was empty when he arrived so he plopped unceremoniously into one of the cushy chairs, ignoring Snape's warning and lit up right there.

The next morning, the school's mundane breakfast was interrupted by a great thunder of clumsy wings and cries that sent shivers through the spines of most of the students, It wasn't owl's that came through the high windows but hundreds of large, black ravens they circled swooping down at the students for a few seconds before retreating to the ceiling where they continued to circle. The people who's heads had turned to Dumbledor for assistance now saw him frowning at the deep red howler in his hand, Harry was one of them. He watched Dumbledor tear open the envelope and place it on the table before him where it began to roar.

"DUMBLEDOR!" Came a snake like nightmare of a voice. "IV HAD IT WITH YOU AND YOUR POTTER BOY, WE END THIS WHEN NEXT THE MOON IS FULL, LOOK TO ME BY MIDNIGHT AND PREPARE TO MEET YOUR DOOM!" The voice disappeared leaving the student body's ears ringing as they watched the envelope engulf itself in flame.

"When is the next full moon?" Dumbledor demanded.

"Next Friday!" Harry cried over the mummers.

"Classes are cancelled for today and tomorrow every last one of you will be sent home on the train! You are dismissed to pack and all of your things. Report to your common rooms as soon as your things are packed and you are to stay there!" As one, the school stood and scrambled for the doors, fear thick in the air. As Harry stepped into the hall he was pulled away from the fray by the arm.

"Hey! Wh...?"

"Come with me Mr. Potter." Snape said and turned down the opposite corridor leaving no room for argument. They arrived at Snape's office for the second time in twenty-four hours. Harry sat where he sat the previous night, and watched Snape sit in the chair behind his desk.

"Strait to business; You and I both know that you'll do anything to _not_ get on that train tomorrow."

"Then you know me to well." Harry had no idea where this conversation was going and he wasn't sure he wanted to know.

"Dumbledor strongly suggests that you go to one Arabella Figg's house but I strongly disagree. Do have any ideas as to what magic tricks your going to pull off next Friday?"

"What are you saying?" Harry narrowed his eyes.

"I think that with my help the demise of the dark lord is only five days away."

"What's the catch?"

"No catch. You didn't answer my question."

Harry thought for a moment, then a small grin curved the edges of his mouth. "Not unless you have some old death eater cloaks and a mask lying around?"

"No, but we can make some. Come, we need a better place to plan." They left the office and Snape lead them through a maze of dungeon corridors until they reached a large portrait of none other then Salazar Slytherin.

"Remember this password: Calamity." The portrait swung forward not unlike the portrait of the fat lady. "These are my private rooms, im only letting you in here for a much greater good but the I can easily change my mind as to letting you in here."

Harry didn't say what was going through his head which was, _'I didn't ask to come here so stop trying to sound like a vengeful god, nobody buys your bull shit.' _He was lead into a sitting room lined with red candles of varying heights, that when Snape clapped his hands burned forth into life. Around the outline of the room were thick black leather couches with silver lining. The floor was covered with deep green carpet and the walls the same colour. The windows were veiled with silky black curtains, letting no light forth. In the centre of the room was a long table with high backed chairs tucked into it.

"And people wonder about my decorations..." Harry said referring to the paint job of his bedroom back at the Dursly's.

"If you don't like it, you can leave."

"No, Its great.-truthfully-It's the perfect atmosphere for planing death and destruction." He said as he walked along the fireplace looking at the statues lined upon the mantle.

"After today, you'll have to move down here, I'll have a house elf bring our meals. We have until Thursday, as Friday I join the dark lords ranks, to figure out a fool proof plan to destroy _him_."

Harry nodded taking a seat at the table in the centre of the room.

Snape sat across from him, his hands snaked together. "Tell me exactly what you have in mind."

"I need to be close to him, very close."

_A/N: __HEHEHEHE! The destruction of our dear voldy is on the way in the next chapter, migh not get finished this week since the next chapter is going to be lengthy, but I hope you enjoyed this one!_

_Loves yous!  
__Nikki_


	20. ramblings, and a new chapter?

IMPORTANT

_Im going to try and **not** make this an author's note and add a bit of a small chapter preview to it to, but I have to say something to all the peeps who are sticking to the tale, even over a year later._

_Have you heard? Im rewriting this crappy story! There haven't been any updates since before Christmas because this story is shit and I didn't have the heart to look at it again but Iv decided that this story may be worth it yet. So I suggest you read it from the beginning or up to chapter six since that's how far Iv gotten in rewriting. I almost like it now. So tell me what you think of the new and improved stuff .Yes, there are still spelling errors, stupid grammar mistakes and bad sentence structures, but fewer of them. So there._ ;-)

_-Nikki_

Chapter Preview

It didn't take long for Harry and Snape to come up with an elaborate planto kill Voldemort. Snape silently knew they were all doomed, this was way beyond the deadly chances Harry usually took.Harry on the other hand tried not to grin at his genius as he and Snape ate dinner together in Snape's privet rooms. This was the only way, hitVoldemortwhere it hurts. It'll be the perfect irony. _Oh god, I can't wait! Perfect, perfect, perfect!_

Harry's confidence and stubbornness was what made Snape agree to help with the plan. It was suicide! Harry was to be right there practically in the line of fire of every Death Eater present and Harry expected Snape to keep him alive until they both had a chance to blast there way out of the fray.

Harry said that as soon as Voldemort is dead it'll all be over, and according to Harry's plan, it'll all be over before it even begins. It was that easy. thgouh Snape didn't think so. They had to get Harry to stand directly behind an unsuspecting Dark Lord so that he could do what he had to do. That alone was insanity. Harry said he had the perfect catch phrase and everything. It'll be like it came strait out of a muggle movie. Snape remembered how excited the boy had been at it. It didn't take much to realize teen hadlost his mind...

_That's all for now folks! Till next time. Adios!_

What are they planning? Oh I know you'll love it. I hope I have readers left or re-writing the story just wont be worth it so tell me what you think or else im packing up and leaving fanfiction dot net. hehe!

-Nikki

Read the first few chapters again! Please!


	21. zZzZzZzZzZz

_o_

_o_

_o_

_o_

_This is by far my worst chapter and probably my worst dialoguing_ _yet. To much talk, no action, a vary lame ending, bad chapter plot, lazy mistakes, and a very small, stupid twist. Oh well, every thing I write, no matter how bad, gets us closer to the good parts! _

_oOoOoOoOo Read on brave peeps!_

That night, after Harry had spent an irksome evening with Professor Snape planning out the demise of the Dark Lord. Harry wanted to as dramatic and ironic as possible, Snape had wanted it to be an underhand, calculated event. Harry knew no death defying stunt could be calculated and planed to be exact, something would for sure go wrong and perfect calculation could hardly bend to meat unexpected circumstances, and they were sure to arise. Best to plan it in a more spur of the moment kind of way.

Harry had sent a letter to his old boss Anthony with the rest of the money Harry had on him. Greedy bastard. He needed a favor from Anthony, if he obliged, then it would only be to perfect for Harry.

Harry's plan was nuts, he knew. He didn't care. As long as Harry won, he didn't really care what happened to him. However, despite the apathy he showed in front of Snape, Harry's nerves were shot and he was scared shitless. If they failed, that would be the end of it. Game over, Harry's fault.

Snape was supposed to be gone for the night, off with Dumbledore or Voldemort, Harry wasn't sure. All he cared about was that he had Snape's rooms to himself and he intended to take advantage of it.

Harry dug through his school things, then finding what he was looking for he stood up and took the little box where he kept his cigarettes and a couple of pills, back into the sitting room thing and opened it. He looked closely at the pills he had in his hand, they were small and orange. He recognized then as Speed. He always felt particularly creative when he took this particular drug so he grabbed a long roll of parchment from his trunk, popping one of the pills as he went. He also grabbed a set of different colour pens before taking his things to the table in the sitting room.

Harry, who was starting to feel the effects of the drug, unrolled the parchment. It stretched about four feet giving him lots of space to doodle on.

Around two in the morning Harry was starting to feel sick, he didn't know if it was end of the drug ride or of if was due to having had to many cigarettes. His head was spinning and his stomach lurched uncomfortably. He stood quickly and made a dash for the bathroom.

Harry didn't hear Snape come in, he was on his hands and knees in the bathroom leaning into toilet bowl, puking his guts out.

-X-

When Snape entered his rooms the first thing he noticed was the acrid smell of cigarette smoke. Second thing he noticed was the mess of his table, pens, paper and paints and a pack of cigarettes were strewn across the surface. The third thing he noticed was the sound of retching coming from the bathroom.

"_Damn it Potter!"_ As Snape passed the table he noticed a single orange pill next to Harry's smokes._ "Oh, not again!" _he thought Harry may be trying to kill himself again. He ran to the bathroom cursing adolescent stupidity. He found Harry on his knees and vomiting into the toilet. He was trembling from head to foot as resurfaced gasping for breath, one arm held his stomach. Snape didn't say anything until he was sure the boy had finished being sick and could breath properly again.

"Potter!" Snape watched the boy spin around, though he only looked startled for a moment, in fact, Harry grinned coyly. A reaction Snape wasn't expecting.

"What did you take?" Snape advanced in a slightly threatening manor. It didn't have the effect Snape had hoped for.

"What do you mean?" Potter said with an insolent look. Snape stared hard at him, crouching low so he was face to face with Harry. He saw the familiar signs in his eyes and came to the conclusion Potter was stoned. Yes, definitely stoned.

"Up you get." Snape grabbed Harry by the arm and pulled him up. He dealt with the Slitherin's who were often know to abuse certain substances. Though he'd never would have suspected the-boy-who-lived to sink so low.

"Let go of me! Don't touch me..." He struggled against Snape's firm grasp. Harry couldn't stand being touched.

"Not until you tell me what you took." Snape said as he tugged Harry along to his private office.

"Fine! I think it was speed." Harry said making a last fruitless tug to get away.

"_You_ _think?_" Snape wasn't pleased.

"Don't make people repeat themselves. It drives me mad when people do that..."

"_That_ is besides the point!" Snape growled. The had reached his private office, it looked more like a lab. Snape pushed Harry into a seat in front of the desk.

"Don't move." Snape said as he went in search of his Sobering tonic.

"Whatever."

Snape grunted as he pulled a small, glass bottle of purple liquid out of an old cupboard, and held it up to the light examining it. He popped out the cork and shoved the bottle at Harry. "Drink it."

Harry did. The bottle dropped from his grasp and he clutched his head in pain, gasping. As quickly as the pain had come, it subsided leaving Harry's head clear and sober. Harry was now feeling guilty and nervous.

"Now that your back to normal, we shall have a little chat." he said in a dangerously polite voice. "Sitting room now!" he marched a humiliated Harry Potter from his office and back down they hall they had come from. Harry didn't notice the paintings before, but on the walls were hung paintings of people who Harry guessed to be relatives of Snape's. Every now and then Harry would recognize a long nose or a pair of black eyes or other Snape like attributes in the characters glaring at Harry from their frames.

"Sit." Snape ordered as they reentered the sitting room. Harry did as he was told, siting at the same place he'd been working at all night. He shuffled papers nervously trying to clear away the mess as Snape glared at him from where he sat across from Harry.

"Before I start lecturing you, do you have anything to say?" Snape said as he laced his long fingers together and rested his chin on them.

"I don't know. What is there to say? I didn't think you'd be back tonight." Harry was trying put a blank mask over his face but was having great difficulty hiding his embarrassment.

"Fine. First," Snape held up the pack of smokes. "none of this while in _my_ quarters, understood?" Harry nodded. "Second. Explain to me what you meant by _you think _you took speed."

Harry sighed. "I bought them off the street, I asked for something to give me some pep and they handed these over. End story." Harry was now fiddling with the corner of the large drawing he'd done on the roll of parchment.

Snape was looking annoyed. "Putting a side the dangers of the actual substance abuse." he paused. "You just took an unknown drug, it could have been anything, you could have suffered far worse damage then just puking all over my bathroom."

"That's exaggerating it a bit much. I did recognize what is was, iv done this befo..." he froze. He'd just admitted to having done drugs before. You could tell Snape had caught this by the sickly smile he now wore.

"Famous Harry Potter the drug addict." Snape said grimly, "imagine the state of the public if that got out.

"Im not a junky." Harry to was getting annoyed. Snape was sitting there, mercilessly misjudging him. "I rarely do shit like this, and beside what the hell do you care if I decide to get high in my own time!" Harry was expecting to be yelled at, or at least _something_. Snape just sat back in his chair quietly watching Harry's face.

"Any more confessions?" he said at last. Harry just stared, he was not ready to have a conversation about his private life with his least favorite teacher. Harry was surprised when the said teacher was quite interested in the private life of his least favorite student.

"Why do you care?"

"I admit that I don't. But I think it would be best you told someone what kind of trouble you get into away from school. Like how about telling me why you ran away this summer? People are keeping it mostly quiet."

"I should think so." then Harry sighed. "Because I didn't feel like dealing with what was going on at _that place_." Harry spat the last two words, referring to the Dursley house.

"Cousin teasing you again?" Snape thought Harry was being over dramatic, having run away from simple problems like that.

"Hmm no, Im afraid he no longer has that liberty." Harry said cryptically.

"Meaning?" Snape was now showing genuine curiosity.

Harry sighed again. "My aunt and cousin died in a major car accident. I think it was the night after it happened my uncle came home drunk, he put a gun to his temple and blew his brains out. Not a pretty sight. I called the police and stuff, and ran away during the mayhem that tool place afterwards." Harry just pretended to be immersed in his drawing, he didn't want to look up. This was a pointless conversation. And Harry was starting to have trouble holding up his head due to tiredness.

Snape noticed this. "The potion I gave you has the side effect of drowsiness. Go to bed." Harry nodded and started to try and stack his paper mess together. "Leave it, just go." Snape snapped, he was irritated but he didn't know why. He watched the teen leave the room.

Snape wondered dully why he had chosen teaching, he wasn't good with kids at all. This boy needed help and Snape didn't know what to do. He couldn't go to Dumbledore at the moment because Snape didn't want him to know Harry was in the school or else he'd send Harry home, wherever that was.

Snape stood and walked around the table to where Harry had been sitting. He looked down at his drawings. There was no doubt Harry had a rare talent in art. The paper was filled with random drawings. A few were comic relief drawings of a cartoon dark lord with a panhandling sign with the words '_will kill for money_' printed across it.

The rest of the drawing consisted of animals, nature scenes, needles, another Voldemort dressed as a hippy and staring off in an odd way with the caption 'A Trip to LSD Land for Ol'Voldy' above it. A very realistic looking yong girl staring off into space while sitting on the floor, leaning against a staircase that snaked its way all along the page. There must have been fifty random drawings on that one piece of parchment alone. Some were coloured, others were not.

Finally Severus tore himself away from the drawings and fell into one of the cushioned chairs by the fire. _What am I supposed_ _do with you Potter? _This isn't how the golden Gryffindor boy was supposed to act! What happened to the insolent, attention-seeking child Severus had known for so long? _He never excised _A voice in the back of his mind was telling him. _Or maybe he did, but he's been dead sixteen years now. James Potter and Harry Potter are two completely different people..._Snape sighed. He knew he'd acted unfairly towards Harry ever since his first year, and Severus was now paying for it. Well time to grow up and handle this like man, he'd find away to help Harry like he'd done with many of his Slitherins. _If you can ever get Harry to trust you..._

O0o0o0o0o0o0O

_I can't believe you read that, was that not horrible? First chapter ever where flames are welcome. Next chapter is where the action begins. Then once voldy is outta the way we can get the heart of this story once and for all! Yippy!_

oO**Nikki**Oo


End file.
